WHEN THEY KILLED THE SUN.....

i dont understand why i wrote it,what triggered or what ever stimulated it,...........

 

A strange cold pulsating in my veins,

as I lifted the blanket hurriedly,

yawning,looking out at the huge sky,

dark very dark,

''why is it so dark''

a thought clinging to my mind like locust to a blade of grass,

and then,flakes of red appearing,

blood red roses strewn in bride's dark hair,

orchids floating in the lakes of black,

like a begger stitching crimson rags into his tattered black robes,

me unable to cope with mounting suspense,climbing out of the cozy bed,

lighting the lantern,I looked around searching,

my gaze unanswered every time,

expecting hard concrete,I was out on the street,without bothering for shoes,

some thing cold,fluid and watery,

pressing against my feet,

wondering for a moment,staring hard on the gold circle from the flickering flame,

I shuddered as I gasped,a layer of cold travelling through my warm body paralyzing me,

Eyes....,

I was standing,walking on heaps of them,

Grey,blue as the seas,hazel,honey,brown,green as Emrald,

lovely eyes,almond eyes,intelligent eyes,poetic eyes,loved eyes,loving eyes,

I clenched my teeth to choke my shrieks,

looking at the stains of red,on the vast sky,

Swish,swash,a thousand windy brooms,

cream and white clouds conspiring,

a brief drizzle,

reds vanishing,

anger filled me,a valcano ready to explode,

Swish,Swash wont stop,now and then a clip ,clop,

a thousand pirates cleaning the brown wooden deck,stomping hard,

''What ...'',''HE is getting the blood cleared''...I wailed tightening my fists,

helplessly i saw the last drenches of red fade,

A strange fury,a maddening rage,me searching my pocket for something sharp,

failing, I clawed my fingers,pointing them to my sockets,

hesitating for a while,

and then..,

two dark eyes fell on the top of heap,

looking at me in an wild accusation and disbelief,

as I whispered,like a satisfied worker,sliding my bloody fingers into my pockets,

''What use are eyes''...

''WHEN THEY KILLED THE SUN''..........

Author's Note

I dont know what it is,perhaps some old fear,what if the sun dies and you get up to see nothing just infinite dark,please suggest any suitable title......try to hate it,i mean i would appreciate your pointing out mistakes,a lot,it helps,thank you,I want to thank all friends for suggesting the title...

Reviews

[ALifeAquatic]

It feels as if all that needs to be said has been before, the same way that everything recently written has been written before!

Having said that I will throw my two cence in, anywayz! This is such a dark, mesmirizing piece, I was hooked from first to last, like all those of have reviewed before me the last line is beyond brilliant!
I know my review isn't nor could it be as thoughtful as those that you leave me, but I find myself unable to say anything that could express the delight I felt reading this piece!

Brilliant

AHouseOfChambers

[THERISA]

Wow. The imagery jumps out at the reader, creating a visual and very descriptive poem. Sometimes, dreams are not meant to be understand in a literal sense. Rather, an internal expression of one's fears. Whatever they maybe for you. I would suggest, that you change to the following:

"A strange furry...." to "A strange fury...."

Otherwise, i wouldn't change anything else in your poem. Thank you for sharing this very personal dream with us.

[Mystic]

wonderful... truly epic poem!! I really liked this one!! great job sahar!!!

[Emily B]

dreams manifest themselves in places not even we recognize, sometimes they come alive and walk abroad through our words here . . . awe-inspiring work, this.

[An owl on the moon]

Such an exquisite write, with a depth of imagery and provocative richness. Loved your descriptions and emotional flavor.. This phrase stood out so vividly: "orchids floating in the lakes of black, like a begger stitching crimson rags into his tattered black robes..." Brilliant words...

[ALifeAquatic]

It feels as if all that needs to be said has been before, the same way that everything recently written has been written before!

Having said that I will throw my two cence in, anywayz! This is such a dark, mesmirizing piece, I was hooked from first to last, like all those of have reviewed before me the last line is beyond brilliant!
I know my review isn't nor could it be as thoughtful as those that you leave me, but I find myself unable to say anything that could express the delight I felt reading this piece!

Brilliant

AHouseOfChambers

[mystic soul]

OMG!!! yaar ye poem bahot achi h..... The darkness is so clearly shown... and as for title i would suggest 'Darkness'....... and yes the last line is also good for the title.....

[cest la vie]

Sahar,

this is a wonderful free verse piece. I can see no corrections to be made. dark, gripping, fearful. Great write. I agree with your other reviewer, your last line is a perfect title.
thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Your friend,
Lynne

[Honeypot]

I think your very last line would be an awesome title for this piece. "When They Killed the Sun" is a great line and I think a very catching title. The poem is really good. Its horribly sad and tragic, but the these of the red, representing the blood of innocents is very compelling. Nice job.