Urik's Climb

We find a man scaling an icy cliff face in a snowstorm.

            The pick slams into the ice. The hold doesn't feel right, so Urik adjusts his grip and slams the pick home again.

            No need in taking unnecessary risks. He thinks.

The climb is sheer, with overhangs every so often. Urik continues his climb. The wind screams along the cliff face throwing snow about with abandon.

The going is slow. Urik's hands are feeling numb by the time he pulls himself onto a ledge. The ledge is barely wide enough for him to sit down.

Good a place as any to rest.

He peers down the cliff, trying to gauge his distance from the sweeping plain of snow below.

Have to be getting close by now. I've been climbing since just after sunrise.

He secures his ice picks to his belt and huddles into his fur cloak for warmth. The wind continues it mournful song. Urik finds himself drifting slowly into darkness before standing up with a start. He slips in the snow and goes to a knee, eyes wide.

What in Einher's beard was that? I haven't been climbing that long.

The snow has picked up. Snowflakes dance in the calming winds. A sound floats on the wind. It almost sounds like the flight of a large bird.

Urik pulls his picks from his belt carefully. He rustles his cloak and hood to remove any excess snow and turns to begin climbing again. That's when something hits the wall nearby. Urik turns his head to see a black shaft quivering in the ice.

Spear? This high? Then that means... He thinks.

Urik slams his right pick into the ice and pulls himself upward. He repeats the motion with his other arm. He hears a voice floating on the wind.

"How dare you disturb our village!"

Urik's arms pump the picks into the ice. He climbs mechanically, used to the thump-and-pull rhythm.

I have to get to a more solid footing than that ledge. No way I can fight like this. I just hope that voice isn't coming from what I think it is.

Urik hears a crunch above his head. He looks upward long enough to note another black shaft directly in his path before continuing. Urik uses the spear as a handhold to hoist himself higher before digging his pick in. The sound of wings can be heard in the stillness.

Oh Einher, let me at least get to solid ground so I can fight this thing.

Urik feels the wind change. Now it comes in short bursts that are far too regular. The snow swirls around his vision in strange patterns no normal wind should bring. He freezes in place and slowly looks over his right shoulder. What he sees make his blood run cold.

The creature is hovering a few feet out from the cliff face. It's ice-blue wings beat slowly around its humanoid frame. The furs wrapping its body obscure most of its features. It holds a spear at the ready.

A wind demon...not my day.

"You will answer me, or I will watch you fall. Why do you enter our borders?" It says.

"I didn't know you creatures had borders. As far as I was aware you merely came and went as you pleased," Urik says.

The spear prods Urik in the back. He looks down at the spear then back to the thing's face with a glare.

"You have me at a disadvantage. Where is your sense of honor?" Urik says.

The spear slowly slides under Urik's right arm. The creature is almost close enough to talk into his ear.

"What honor I have is a result of your people's," It says.

Urik slams his head back and to the side. He feels solid contact and fights dizziness for what seems like an eternity. Before he fully recovers he begins climbing again.

I don't know how much time I got from that, but it better be enough. He thinks.

Urik loses himself in the rhythm of the climb.

He bangs his forearm on a jut and retracts for another swing before realizing that there's nothing above him but cloudy sky. He hoists himself up with his left and slams his pick into the ledge top. He drags himself up and rolls onto a wide area. Urik stands and notes this could hold a fair sized camp. The ledge narrows at the back into a human sized cave mouth.

This might be what I'm looking for. That man with the map says it would be a long climb up the south face. If nothing I may as well make camp in there. He thinks.

Urik belts his picks and draws his sword. He grips it in both hands as he stalks into the cave mouth.

 

Falling...

Sil shakes her head. Her wings billow out in front of her. She sees the mountain passing her by. On instinct she rolls over in the air. She angles her wings to turn her fall into a dive, then her dive into a wide arcing climb. She circles back toward the place where the Gaardmann was.

He must have reached the cave. I shouldn't have bothered speaking to him. I should have just killed him. Why didn't he answer me? She thinks.

She lands on the ledge. The Gaardmann's tracks are easy to follow in the snow. She tucks her wings and readies a spear as she moves into the cave.

 

The passage is almost circular in shape. The only thing keeping Urik from slipping on the ice-floor are his boot spikes. He stomps along, wary for any danger he might find.

Alright. According to what that man said...I should walk one hundred steps before the first intersection. Then I turn downward. He thinks.

The tunnel continues for some time. Urik barely hears anything over his own footsteps.

 

That noise...it sounds like... She thinks.

Sil quickens her pace at the sound. Her clawed feet give her a solid grip on the ice as she pads along. It doesn't take long for her to catch up to the Gaardmann.

 

Urik sees the intersection ahead. He stops for a moment to catch his breath and hears the creaking of leather behind him.

Damn!

Urik drops to his back on the floor as a spear flies over him. It strikes the wall down the corridor as he spins to get a look at his assailant.

It followed me!

"Wind shear," Sil says.

Sil reaches for another spear just as Urik climbs to his feet. They stand, eyeing each other, each ready to strike.

 

They hold their stances for many heartbeats. Neither seems prepared to make a move. Finally, Sil speaks.

"You are trespassing,"

 "So you Vindled own this cave? How does that work?" Urik says.

Sil shifts her grip on her spear slightly before replying.

"We live above this place. We claim what lies beneath it as well. This is our mountain," Sil says.

"Well, forgive me for not knowing the boundaries of your clan's holdings. I'll just ask your pardon as our peoples have such good relations," Urik says.

"Your sarcasm is unappreciated," Sil says.

"Your aggression is equally unappreciated," Urik says.

Urik tightens his grip on his blade. He feints a strike from the right before kicking her spear point wide with his foot. Sil drops back as Urik's foot plants and he steps into a swing, hitting only air. Sil beats her wings to gain distance and launches her spear at the now charging Urik. Urik sweeps his sword to parry the flying weapon, but loses his footing. He skids into Sil and knocks her down on top of him. Sil headbutts him, forehead to forehead.

Something laughs in the tunnel.

Urik punches Sil before pushing her off of him. He picks up his blade and scans the darkening tunnel.

"More of your kind come to defend their territory I assume," Urik says.

Sil shakes her head vigorously as she stands. One of her eyes isn't opening all the way.

"If they were they wouldn't laugh at you, they'd..,"

Sil trails off as a small white creature with pockmarked skin and large black eyes disappears behind Urik. She stammers something in Vindled.

"What did you?"

Is all Urik has the chance to say before he feels something slam into the back of his head.

 

Urik's eyes go wide. He falls to his knees as his strength leaves him.

Sil locates the creature as Urik collapses. Its bulbous head turns to regard her with empty black eyes. It smiles at her with rows of perfect dagger-like teeth before disappearing.

It vanished! So I didn't imagine it...

Sil draws another spear. She can't locate the creature, but she can hear it laughing from down the tunnel. She moves toward the Gaardmann to check his wounds. Maybe she can figure out what that thing was.

She hears a scratching noise above her. She looks up to see the creature looking down at her from the ceiling. Its face is inches from her own. She can see the ruin of its pale skin, as if it were diseased. It turns it head slightly from one side to the other. Its eyes are empty black pools too big for their sockets. It smiles at her, the smile of a murderous child, and touches its forehead gently to hers.

Sil nearly swoons. Her wings grow heavy and slump. She almost falls to the floor, but the thing grabs hold of her by the wing.

Winds that never cease, what is this thing? She thinks.

Sil thrusts her spear upward. The thrust feels slower than usual and the thing slaps the tip away. It continues its' hold. With each passing moment Sil feels weaker. The only thing holding her up is the creature on the ceiling.

 

Urik is sluggish as he wakes.

What hit me? He thinks.

He begins to climb to his feet. He locates his blade and looks up.

"Aeresnein!?" He says.

The creature is holding Sil with one hand while gripping the ceiling. She looks haggard, slack, as if she were being diminished by the thing's touch. Urik gathers himself and launches himself at the thing.

His first cut hits cleanly and severs the thing's hand at the wrist. It emits an unearthly shriek as it disappears. A chill colder than the ice around him runs down Urik's spine. He swings at the spot it had been in last and feels something solid. He hears something hit the floor closer to the cave entrance. Urik looks for what made the sound, but finds nothing.

Blekforfal! These aren't the Rymfrost! What is it doing here? He thinks.

Sil groans. Urik kicks the spear from her hand and kneels over her.

"Can you hear me?" Urik says.

Sil's voice is very weak.

"Yes, Gaardmann. I hear," Sil says.

Urik begins looking for signs of injury. He carefully looks over what he can see. He then begins peeling off her outer layer, looking for blood. She tries to stop him, but she is too weak from the Blekforfal's attack. After his examination he puts her clothing back.

He props her up against a wall of the tunnel. The place is getting darker by the minute.

"It will be getting dark very soon in here. I'm going to go look for the Blekforfal. If I don't come back I recommend you make peace with your gods," Urik says.

As Urik stands to leave he hears childlike laughter coming from the direction of the cave entrance.

I know this game.

Urik stomps down the corridor toward the noise. He stops every few steps to listen. The smallest noise could give the creature away. He noted a blood trail earlier, but it seems to have disappeared. He makes his way to the cave entrance.

Outside the snow has begun to fall in earnest. The wind howls around the opening, piling snow in front of the cave mouth. Urik sees no sign of the creature and turns back.

The Blekforfal slides its way back into the cave mouth. It heard the big one turn and move away. It could have gone for the winged one, but it was almost dry. It hungers for more than crumbs.

Urik spins as the creature clears the lip of the cave mouth. His sword shears the Blekforfal's  arm off at the shoulder before biting into its' neck. The creature continues its swing with a mad glint in its eyes. It snaps its' jaws in Urik's face, held at bay by the crossguard of his sword. Urik headbutts the Blekforfall away and staggers backward. The thing still took a piece of him from that small contact.

The Blekforfal charges. It leaps toward Urik flailing wildly. Urik, wiping his eyes, does not see the beast's attack until it's too late. The Blekforfall slams home. It finds the strength to land one blow, which Urik barely feels, before it falls limp.

Urik feels the weight of his blade shift as the creature falls away from it.

Damned thing impaled itself. Too eager to think, as I thought it might be.

Urik kicks the body out of the cave before rolling it off the ledge. He doesn't watch it fall.

He returns to find Sil standing, shakily, She has propped herself against the wall.

"Sit back down! You need to rest," Urik says as he slides down the wall across from her.

Sil looks down at him.

"What's to stop me from killing you?" Sil says.

Urik returns her gaze with an angry look.

"The same thing that's stopping me from killing you. Honor,"

With that, he draws his cloak around himself. He settles in for a night's rest.

 

This Gaardmann is strange. He invades my village's territory, dares to assault me after my warnings,...and saves my life. She thinks.

Sil leans heavily on her spear.

I need to go up. That creature may not have been the only one. I need to warn my village.

Sil takes a few steps down the tunnel. She veers to the left, the tunnel turns sharply after the fork. She feels the incline increasing as she continues.

 

Einher, I thought she'd never leave. He thinks.

Urik climbs to his feet. The light is nearly gone. He shakes himself to loosen any ice and snow and stomps down the passage.

I need to take the lower fork. From what the old man told me, what I want is down below.

Urik takes the right fork and begins a slow spiraling descent. The farther he goes the less he sees. He waits until the last possible moment to light a torch. The torchlight makes the going easier. Before long he sees stone mixed in with the ice.

Must be getting closer to the actual mountain. He thinks.

Urik hears the sound of running water in the distance. The ice in the tunnel walls has nearly disappeared. Veins of various colored stone run thru the floor. He stops long enough to take off his boot spikes before continuing. Before long he encounters a wide stream running thru the darkness.

It doesn't appear very deep. Not likely to have anything in it either. Well, I can't exactly turn back now. I've gone too deep. I'll have to jump it.

Urik takes several steps back. The torch illuminates his side of the stream. He tenses and rushes forward three strides before leaping out over the stream. For a moment he flies, a single light in the darkness above the rushing water, before he lands on the other side. He tumbles as he lands and the torch rolls away from him. It catches on a stone spur far down the tunnel, its dim light barely visible.

Well that was graceful. He thinks.

Urik checks his gear to make sure nothing else was lost before getting to his feet. He retrieves his torch from the ground.

Markings... He thinks.

The markings are etched into the stone. He follows them with his gaze. They cover the tunnel, almost like an archway.

This might be the place after all. I was beginning to worry. All right. If my dwarfish is as I good as I hope it is, this should tell me something. He thinks.

Urik examines the "archway" carefully. He looks at each letter before moving to the next. His torch burns low by the time he stops.

Damned thing must be coded, or I'm worse than I thought with dwarfish. I only have so many torches. Might as well rest while I have the chance.

Urik places the nearly spent torch across the passage from him. He finds an alcove just inside the "archway" and pulls his cloak around him.

Sleeping in a dark cave underground. Don't see how Musyn does it. Must be a dwarf thing. He thinks.

Before he trades one darkness for another, the torch sputters and dies.

Author's Note

This is not the entirety of the story, but what I have of it so far.

Anyone who reads this, please give it the "red pen treatment". Don't give me the "good read" and move on. Let me know what I did poorly with. If you don't want to post that publicly, then send me a message. I need to be sharpened as a writer and the best way for that to happen is to tell me where my blade is dull.

Reviews

[Roo]

I'm not sure I can red pen your work as I didn't find much wrong with it. Indeed I liked it, but I feel the chapter sort of flickered out with the dying torch. The end of a chapter must make me want to read the next one. Now, as you haven't written the next chapter I guess this is difficult, but you need a bigger hook at the end. It could be a sound. it could be the one of the dwarf words on the wall. Something needs to be bigger and bolder and stop me from putting the book down and forgetting about it.
But that said, I thought your descriptions were good. i could see all the participants. i felt cold and almost giddy with the climb. Good fight sequences.
Just don't think the end is good enough.
Roo

[Kevin Moldenhauer]

At first read, it is an interesting story. The word "says" appears too often, consider using words like "Said," "responded," "retorted," etc.

As time permits I can go through it and red line it for you.

[Wes Hart]

The story is written it present tense. It's supposed to have active words in it.
I tend not to write in past tense. It seems like a recounting of a story. When I'm writing it I'm visualizing it happen in front of me.

[Kevin Moldenhauer]

Excellent. I will keep that in mind as I go through it.