The End

Wearing crown of twilight
Sorrows come to pass
Woe blankets all creation
Forlorn becomes state of mind
Wishful thinking
As time subsides
I stand alone
At world's end
Nothing left to defend
Ideals burn
Like magnificent cities
A phantom menace
Failure to perceive
What once was,
Holding no grip on reality
Fading
As if it held no meaning
Approaching final distance
No longer do we reach for the stars
Instead they fall
As endless tears
Mirroring our fear
Destruction and demise
Corruption still resides
Giving rise to the wicked
And all are inflicted

Reviews

[Jason Young]

Wearing crown of twilight
Sorrows come to pass
Woe blankets all creation
Forlorn becomes state of mind

That was definitely the best part of the entire thing. The entirety of the middle part, eh... I'm iffy about it. The flow, which was so well-established in the first four lines, seems to be completely obliterated later on. I'm not too hot on the rhyming of the last part either. None of the rest of the poem (besides end/defend) rhymes, so I'm having trouble trying to figure out why you suddenly have a rhyme scheme there.

As far as the mood and idea go though, it's a very nice piece. The only thing I have a problem with is the actual writing- and with a little bit of work, I think this could be a most excellent poem.

Keep writing. You show some real raw talent.