Leopard, Lion, She-wolf

This is just a fun little story I wanted to write that I start with my friends at school. based off the Divine Comedy. By now people will know that John Milton and Dante are myfavoriteclassicalauthors

Waking up I found myself in a housing addition at dark, and The Street lights glowed dimly so I could see how grass from the lawns of the houses were over growing onto the street.  I stood up feeling like I was hung over, my head pounding hard and I was thankful that it was dark. I looked at the street I stood on, and the houses surrounding me, confused how I got there. Admittedly I will say that I was quite scared, and I think anyone would be if they found themselves in a strange place at dark. I reached for my pockets to pull out my phone, but when my hand got into my jeans it wasn’t there! I patted my pants some, feeling my front and back pockets, nothing.  I cupped my hands over my face my heart thumping hard and I was almost in tears thinking of how my mom was going to kill me if I told her I lost my phone and wallet.  I then lifted my head bugged eyed, my God my Mother she must be worried sick I thought.  I then started walking down the street looking at each house, and it seemed to me that with each one I passed the growth and look of the house got worse. I soon started walking to each of the houses pounding on the doors hoping that someone could help me, but of course I got no answer and I was growing tired.  As I walked down the sidewalk, my eyes heavy, I saw a woman coming up wearing expensive clothes. It looked like she was walking a large dog from where she was.  Seeing her I had a smile on my face thinking that I found someone who could tell me where I was, and maybe even let me borrow her cell phone.  I walked over to the woman carefully in no rush as I didn’t want to freak the dog out. When I approached the woman, I heard her pet growling, and I looked down toward the animal and beheld a Leopard. I stepped back some tripping over myself scared half to death to see the growling jungle cat a few feet in front of me. Even though the woman saw the fear in my eyes she continued to walk towards me. I tried inching away still on the ground as the woman held on to the Leopard with its leash, the cat  to close for comfort. I jumped up from the sidewalk and onto the street looking at the woman.

“Are you insane owning that...that thing! It damn near tore my head off the way it was looking at me!” I yelled at the woman as she passed me on the sidewalk. She didn’t even say a word she simply laughed as she dragged her Leopard with her.

“Your a Psycho lady! Grade A f--kin psycho!” I yelled at her as she walked away. I turned starting to walk down the street only to take a few steps and turned around.

“Hey can you at least tell...me where...I am?” I said. She was gone I only turned my back on her for a few seconds and she was Gone! Fear was now upon me again so not to take any chances I decided to keep walking forward. I walked down this endless street passing house after house not seeing any kinds of other streets just the one I was on. Walking further down I heard the sound of motorcycle engines a few yards behind me. I turned looking at a Large man and woman on their mechanized deathtraps a few yards aways.  The man was large and wearing a lion mask the woman on the other hand looked normal but I could see that her bikes framework was in the design of a wolf. When they revved their engines the sound the bikes gave off was that of the animal each was associated with. I looked wide eyed at the two they as well were eyeing me. My heart was racing as I took a step backwards watching the two look at me  revving their motorcycles. I took another step backwards. I kept looking at the two as they looked at me, and I took another step back.  After that step the lion masked man roared out.

“RUN B***H RUN!” he said roaring it. I swear that my heart stopped just then and by the grace of God I was able to turn and not just run, but Sprint! Sprinting down the street my focus was straight ahead. I could hear them rev their motorcycles and launch like a rocket towards me. I turned seeing them get closer and tears rolled down my eyes, as my body pushed itself to keep sprinting at full speed. When I looked ahead of me the road was now gone and I had to catch myself before falling into the dark void that was now there. I looked down the void then back at the motorcycles. I then decided to jump into the void taking my chances with falling other then with the bikers. Falling into the black I could feel the grasp of death, its hands upon me as it seemed to get hotter as I descended. Before death could have me a voice like thunder rang out and I soon felt the life pour back into me. The feeling of life itself draw into my empty body like a cup was so overwhelming pleasing that the fear of falling and the dark left me. Once the feeling was over fear again filled me and came back with such force I passed out while falling.

Author's Note

Alright the first chapter is different and then name is as well. What do you think now?

Reviews

[Domenic Luciani]

I know it was supposed to be more of a comedy, but the dialogue could definitely use some improvement.. some grammar errors and the usual stuff, but nothing to bad..
keep working on it, a little bit of improvement here and there and it could turn out really good.
-Dom

[The Perfectionist]

I can't tell how old you are from your profile, so I'm going to hope that you're at least a few years younger than me, because if you're not, then you really didn't pay attention in English class. I am two paragraphs in as I write this, and I've already found six spelling and grammar errors. This does not bode well.

You have a lot of dialogue in the first part of this, and it's rough to say the least. I'm not sure whether this is just because you can't write dialogue (I hope not) or because the English gets so bad that it mars it.

Okay, a little farther in now and I've decided it's a bit of both. Your dialogue does need work (write it down separately, read it aloud, and you'll see very quickly what doesn't sound realistic at all), but for the most part it's just your terrible English. Just copy and paste this into Word and run a spell-checker first. That should catch half of the problems. I'll find the others for you if you like.

I'm a big fan of the Divine Comedy, and while this is not exactly how I would have pictured Virgil, you could definitely put an interesting spin on the entire thing if you stay consistent and clean up your writing.

P.S. The Mr. Rogers thing was unexpected and hilarious. Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are taking on a big challenge. Dante's book is one of a kind. I read it in three versions. He was a man with a outstanding mind and vision. I like it so far. I wrote a version of Dante inferno and put it away. I will put the book out when I'm close to death. I look forward to more. Please sent a read request.
Coyote

[HorrorMaster]

Very good so far.

[WriderParker]

My comp is messing up but i'm working on it, this story will be added a little at a time.

[Frantzuu]

Yeah you should keep it going, great story can't wait to read more. :D