Chapter 5 - Finishing Lines

Chapter 5 �" Fallout from the race

Dejected and downbeat Scott watched Dennis celebrate in the company of his cronies for a while.  He sat still for a moment placing his hands on the tank of the bike he was about to lose.  Not wanting to face the humiliation of another mechanical failure he chose not to cross the line just yet.  He reattached the hose restoring the bikes power, then fiddled with a few wires causing the lights to come back to life.  A bike was hurtling across the plain now heading for the finish, maybe it was mike he thought. 

He decided to go pick up Karla.  Half not wanting to leave her to walk back to town in the dark.  Half not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the race.  He rode back along the track in safety know that the other riders would have retired.  It was customary when the chance of winning had disappeared to just head back to the start.  So he trundled along shouting ‘Karla’ into the darkness hoping she would hear him.  The flames of her bike had died down so there was little to light up the dark plain.  He called out a few more times ‘Karla’ and finally.

‘Hey’ she shouted through her tears.  She was still standing in the same spot staring out over the line.

‘Need a lift?’ said Scott chirpily hoping to raise her spirits a little.

She stood a while still crying, ‘That was my dad’s bike and now it’s gone’ she continued to weep.

Now thinking crossing the line would have been easier Scott waited for her to compose herself.  ‘Come on, let’s go’ he said hoping to pull her from her sorrow.

‘It will be a year, next week… since he took a walk’ she said wiping her nose on her glove.  Scott remained silent wishing this conversation to end as soon as possible.  Her father had “taken a walk” meaning a walk over the kill line.  The turrets blasted him to pieces like every other walker that made those final steps.  He had been fired as a picker because of his drinking and with bottle in hand he had crossed over to end it all.

That was the usual method of suicide and shrines were becoming more and more frequent along the yellow line.  There was no way of retrieving the bodies so the rotting maggot filled corpses would lay there until they were finally covered in sand.  Sometimes they would be revealed if the wind was just right.  The bike was now the same place as her father rotting in the sand, so close but just out of reach.

She trudged over to Scott and climbed on the bike behind him and pulled close placing her arms around his waist.  Already he could feel a wet patch forming on his shoulder as they made their way back to the finish line.  They remained silent on the journey Karla simply holding on to Scott with her cheek resting on his shoulder.

They arrived to find a torrent of heated words flying around the crowd.  The whole crowd was moving around erratically in a storm of insults, shoves and punches.  Everyone was off their bikes helmets and bikes lay strewn around the floor.  As usual accusations against Dennis had been instantly made as soon as the race ended.  Karla gripped on to Scott tighter even though they had come to a stop, almost shielding behind him.  With her eyes closed she shrunk into the small of his back escaping from the raging arguments.

‘You f****r, you a*****e,’ Mike pointed his finger right at Dennis as he determinedly strode towards him in a rage.

‘Ohhhhhhh, whats wrong, did you hurt yourself when you fell,’ said Dennis laughing at his own sarcasm.

‘F**k you, you know what you did,’ roared Mike. The gathered riders and onlookers blocked Mike’s path as he approached Dennis and pushing and shoving ensued.  ‘You pushed me off my bike!’ Bellowed Mike.  Carlos was standing close watch over Mike making sure he didn’t end up getting himself in real trouble.

Dennis continued to laugh ‘what happens in the dust, happens in the dust, there’s no way anyone could know what really happened in there.’

‘F**k you, you know what happened’ Mike continued in a frenzy of pushing and shoving.

Dennis with his jubilant face now stone pushed through the barrier of people and grabbed Mike’s shirt pulling him close.  ‘Yeah, and it will happen again if you don’t get out my face,’ He whispered menacingly in Mike’s ear.  ‘Now you and your f*****g loser amigos get the f**k out of here, it’s time for the winner to celebrate..’ releasing mike with a push throwing him a few feet back.

Scott jumped from his bike dragging the reluctant Karla along by her hand with her other pressed in front of her face to hide the tears.  Without words approached Dennis squeezing though the onlookers.  He released Karla’s hand, made a fist then smashed against the side of Dennis’ face. 

Dennis simply turned towards Scott looking down on him like an angry bear.  He was older than Scott and much bigger, in fact bigger than most of the men in town.  Scott shrunk under the weight of Dennis’ frown, he had not even hurt him.  If Dennis had been volatile before then Scott had hit the detonate button.

‘I will f*****g kill you’ roared Dennis as the crowd moved back in managing to separate all the aggressors.  He grabbed people throwing them out the way trying to get at Scott.  The Head race official was shouting in the background trying to get some order or someone to pay attention to him.  The pushing and shoving intensified with sporadic scraps and arguments breaking out.

‘We are running the enquiry’ the official continued to shout in hopes of breaking up the scuffling crowd.  The rest of the officials converged on the head and spoke in hushed tones.  This finally grabbed the attention of Dennis who rushed over giving up his pursuit of Scott.  He loomed over the officials deliberating officials with clenched fists and intimidating looks. 

Through the crowd Scott saw Felix call over the head official and speak into his ear.  Suddenly a punch landed on his temple knocking him to the ground before he could process anything.  Dozens of feet were trampling the dry earth kicking up dust and sand which flew in Scott’s face.  He grabbed on to the closest garment he could and pulled himself back up in to the fight firing fists into anybody close by.

Beep, beep, some of the crowd looked and stopped fighting.

Their voices became muted as a single dim light approached.  The gentle whirr and splutter of an engine was getting closer.  The attention of the entire group was drawn over to try and figure out what was coming.  As the light approached the outline of a motorcycle was clear for all to see.

Another series of beeps caused the crowd to separate clearing a path to the finish line. After what seemed like an age the rider crossed the line. 

‘Yes!’ Shouted Puerco and with more joy and cheer than Dennis when he crossed the same line minutes before.  He pulled over close to Mike and pulled off his helmet.  Brimming with excitement he asked ‘Where did I finish?’

‘Well technically second I guess,’ ‘but Puerco you don’t win anything, why didn’t you stop, it’s just a waste of fuel’ said Carlos moving over.

‘Second place, now way’ Puerco said proudly, the entirety of the group laughed at his triumph, racers, organisers and spectators alike.

‘How were you even still out there?’ Said Scott, ‘everyone else stopped.’

Mike having seemingly forgotten about the impeding fight shook his head ‘you’re an idiot and…’ he paused ‘you’re fat’.

Puerco sighed ‘not this again, How am I fat?’ he said with disappointed distain.  He was just as skinny and malnourished as the rest of them but he was always called fat.

‘Ok then we won’t call you fat… Dwayne’ shouted Carlos drawing out the Dwayne as long as possible as he knew this name was mortifying to him.  They all laughed, with Puerco or; Dwayne standing with a dismayed look on his face.

‘Oh, come on Puerco lets go, it’s a pretty tough race most people don’t finish’ Carlos said caringly after the jibes but stopped short of actually congratulating him.

The race official broke their huddle and formed a line.  ‘Ok a decision has been made’ shouted the head official.

He gulped and shouted ‘Dennis is disqualified.’

The crowd erupted in a mix of cheers and anger.  Dennis immediately rushed towards the line of officials who broke in retreat of the onrushing anger.

‘What!’ he said spraying venom in to the head officials face?  ‘You have made a mistake, change it.’

The officials regrouped around the head official in a show of solidarity to the bullying Dennis and the rest of the gang of bookies moved in the support the race officials. 

‘You were clearly seen accosting other riders, so as per the rules you are disqualified,’ said the official holding firm with Dennis still breathing in his face.  Confusion swept through Scott and the rest of the crowd.  Yes it was the right decision but why now, why not all the other times he had pushed someone in to the dirt and won.

A voice shot from the crowd ‘Then who won?’

The crowd rose in volume demanding an outcome with various audible shouts rising from them.

‘What about my money, I bet on him,’ ‘You can’t do that, he won,’ ‘Who gets the winnings.’

Felix, the leader of the bookies, the real decision maker put his hands out to try and calm the aching crowd.  ‘Hey, hey’ he shouted taking a few attempts for the protests and questions to die down.  ‘I will explain everything.  We’ve seen some great races on this track, haven’t we, and tonight was one of the best, it had everything.  Crashes, overtaking, raw speed.  Now we want to see a fair race don’t we, with the best man, or woman winning?  Did we see that?’ he paused, the crowd murmured a disconsolate and confused No.

Dennis spoke out loudly ‘Yes, I won.’ 

Felix moved continued to speak, ‘Now to the money’ the crowd broke its silence firing more and more words towards him.  ‘Let me speak!’ he shouted, quietening the crowd quickly.  ‘The money, all bets on Dennis are lost, he has been disqualified’ he said and the crowd burst back in to angry cries.  He continued regardless ‘The winner’ he waited for a moment of quiet.  ‘We feel that the winner’s fee should go to the victim of Dennis’ actions out there tonight.  We all want to see her race again don’t we?’  The section of the crowd who didn’t bet on Dennis cheered.

‘So Karla won?’ asked a voice

‘No, she didn’t win, we just choose to give her the fee, given that she is now without a bike and unable to race.’

‘Oh come on, we bet on her’ said the voice again backed by the disorderly crowd

‘Ultimately the winner is the next person to cross the line, he looked at the official.  ‘What was his name?’ getting the answer he turned to the crowd ‘Puerco!’

The crowd was dumbstruck, he had declared Puerco the winner.  The only reason he had won is because he had continued when everyone else had given up already.   Scott looked at Puerco the unlikely victor and his grin could have been seen from space.

‘Now, we will happily pay out any bets made on Puerco’ he declared knowing that no one in their right mind would have bet on him.

‘This is bullshit’ shot an accusing Dennis, ‘you’re just screwing everyone out of their bets’ a portion of the crowd backing him with jeers.

Felix stared straight into him ‘You better keep that tongue in its trap or it might get lost.’  Dennis turned and stormed off shouting a series of insults, he got to his bike and rode away.

As the action of the evening fizzled out without any bloodshed everyone began to disperse and head back to town.  Scott saw Karla walk up to collect the money she was promised and walked over to greet her.

‘Hey,’ he said

‘Hey,’ she responded still disconsolate with her night, ‘I’m sorry for crying before’

‘Don’t worry about it, I won’t tell anyone.  You’ve got some winnings at least’ he said quickly moving on.

‘Yeah I guess but it doesn’t replace the bike’ she said glumly

‘No,’ said Scott knowing what it meant to her.  ‘Do you want a lift back to town?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, please, and thanks, y’know for, everything,’ said Karla trying to lift herself out of her mood.

The pair re-joined Carlos, Mike, and the somehow winner, Puerco.  They looked confused as to why Karla was with Scott, they had never even seen them speak. 

Karla spoke immediately ‘Well done Puerco,’ she said pushing the awkwardness away.

‘Thanks, check out my medal’ he said displaying the dull metal badge with pride.

‘Cool’ she said enthusiastically

‘I can’t believe it’ laughed Scott, ‘no, really, well done Puerco, you got the medal’ 

They all finally joined in congratulating Puerco however reluctantly and got on their bikes with Karla climbing on behind Scott.  They pulled away and joined the highway riding four abreast across it.

‘So why the hell did they finally disqualify Dennis’ asked Carlos

‘Don’t you get it,’ laughed Karla, ‘Dennis winning meant huge pay out for them because he had been bet on most, and who bet on Puerco? No-one, so no pay out.  They disqualified him because it was better for Business not because it was the right thing to do’

‘But why did they give you the money’ asked Mike

‘Well if I don’t race any more than it is more likely Dennis will win and even more people will bet on him, it would ruin the betting’

They all rode on and Scott could feel the wad of cash burning a hole in Karla’s pocket.  Abandoning tact he asked ‘So, now you need a new bike right?’

‘Yeah I guess so’ said Karla

‘Well I have one for sale’ said Scott.

‘You do, where?’ enquired Karla.

‘You’re sitting on it’ Scott revealed

If he had hoped to cheer her up after the demise of her bike he had surely succeed as she erupted in laughter.  ‘This heap of junk!’ she said.

He choked back the sting of her incidental words about his creation.  ‘Hey, you are welcome to walk,’ escaped from his mouth.  He paused for an answer but Karla remained quiet.

He continued ‘I almost won on this heap of junk, its perfect for you.  Remember you weigh nothing so it would be even faster with you riding’ 

‘I guess, but if it’s so good I why didn’t you win tonight?’

Scott not wanting to reveal the mechanical problems said ‘well you know, it was close and Dennis cheats,’ and quickly moving on, ‘It’s the best one you’re going to get anytime soon and it’s here.’

‘OK, Do I get to take a test drive?’ She asked

Scott snatched at the chance, ‘yeah, sure.’

‘Now?’ enquired Karla

‘Erm, I guess so’ said Scott nervous about the reliability of his bike.

‘Stop then’ she said

He pulled over to the side of the road and signalled the other three to go on without him.

‘Ok, lover boy’ shouted Mike as they pulled away leaving him and Karla at the road side.

They dismounted the bike and exchanged positions Scott getting on the back and placing his hands on Karla’s waist.

‘You’re gonna have to hold tighter than that’ said Karla playfully

He scooched in closer and nervously placed his hands further round her hips.  While he was still considering the right distance he should keep she suddenly and without warning accelerated away straight down the road.  He involuntarily grabbed tighter letting go of any uncertainty about how tight to grip.  She was giving it all the bike had down the straight asphalt road.

Suddenly she took a right turn into the dirt and the bike bounced over a series of mounds of sand both clinging on tight.  She accelerated up the bank back towards the road and the bike lifted off the ground into the air.  Coming back down with a clunk she slowed in perfect control of the machine with Scott still clinging and cringing.

‘This thing needs a lot of work Scott, what have you been doing to it’ she said

‘Well yeah, I was still working on it’ he said

‘Not hard enough, the suspension is a mess, that noise is terrible, not to mention the brakes.  This is why you never win Scott’ she said continuing to berate his shoddy workmanship.

He quickly interjected hoping to overshadow the many short comings she had found in the bike and him.  ‘Yes, yes, I know what needs doing Karla, and besides what do you need brakes for anyway, it’s powerful right?’ ‘You want it?’ he asked feeling the answer in her twists on the throttle.

‘Depends’ she said

A surge of excitement shot through Scott, ‘on?’ he asked

‘How much you want for this junker?’ she asked bringing a smile to Scott’s face as they rode on towards town. 

Reviews

[Nigel Newman]

I got a tad confused about Scott going 'back', and that it was customary for non finishers to go 'back', and yet everyone would seemingly convene at the finish, which presumably would be forward ... unless the race was not a circuit but was actually A to B - which you haven't explained (I mentioned this before).

You've implied before that Dennis can successfully intimidate the race officials, but we see here that Felix had no problem standing up to him. Maybe this was me inferring and interpreting, when perhaps what you had always meant was that Dennis, Felix and the bookies were all in cahoots but that now they're playing things in their favour and sidelining Dennis (as per the explanation as they ride back).

As before, Ryan, this has good pace, and I'm still keen to see what happens next! It's a good read. I think each chapter has a few grammatical shortcomings, but you've acknowledged that all along, and they're not so many as to get in the way for now. To be dealt with later.

[M P Ramesh]

ryan,

Its indeed an experience to read new writers' fiction. Generally new writers are least bothered about theories and the result will be fresh. Because they plenty in his/her pen to extend to the readers. It shall be like that only...

Ryan you are on excellent note and don't worry about refreshing style. It will come and follow you. You are not supposed to follow it. The question is that how you are going to tackle the same destiny , sorrow, surprise ,bliss, anxiety shared by your forefathers of literature. That is how and how far you will strtch ahead... It will an interesting scene to witness...
we are hoping for it as readers

carry on..........................

M P Ramesh

[Cyndy Robinson]

I have read the story, and I have read some comments on here. I disagree with most. Women in general are melodramatic, I do not think what what they wear changes that, that is how they are. I do not even see the dramatics that person was speaking of, but if I did it wouldn't matter. Women feel period, and if you are going to write about one, that needs to come through to be believable. I do not know about the "going back thing" either. I followed it an no nothing about motorcycle races or motorcycles in general. I also know that in the USA, winning might be everything, but I think you have spent the required amount of time explaining that this time isn't the same time or place we are in. You have suspended disbelief, for a female, (where winning isn't everything even now), at any rate. I like the chapter, and I like the humanity the is in the main character.

[annalysiar]

I like it you're giving depth and life to your characters, and I look forward to reading more.
this chapter gives great insight and life to the town and its people. Great write

[Meeks]

I give critiques, if this offends you then PM me and I'll take it down.

British, single quotation marks. Fine by me, just a bit confusing until I noticed that all of them are like that. Kudos for being different.

At some points, you forget to capitalize names. I saw one example early in, towards the beginning, but they're probably all over. Might be worth it double check.
Also, you use the names a bit too frequently. I guess it just might be the fact that I haven't read the previous chapters, but names I'm not familiar with pop up way too much. Try not to switch focal points so rapidly.
Also about the names, if your going to make a Mad Max type of scene then I would also get some names to fit the surrounding. Dennis, I had a friend named Dennis, and he was a great comedian. The name means different things to people, so you might want some originality to paint on.

Missing some commas, small grammatical errors like that. The most important, one always puts a comma before closing off dialogue. Unless you're not going to add a tag, in which case a period should do.
Ex. "Hey," I said, glancing at the two. "You came early for something so unimportant."

Somehow, I don't think he should be focusing on the bully because the bully isn't the main problem. Dennis should be a small blockade, focus on the main problem.

Karla is a bit melodramatic at times, and unrealistic as well. Especially if you are going for the leather jacket, motorcycle bad girl sort of person, then it definately doesn't work.

Overall, interesting. I enjoyed the scenery you created, and motorcycle racing sounds like a perfect occupation for these people. Thanks for sharing.

Sorry about the whole delay, I'm backed up with my rrs right now.

[Ryan Yates]

thank for such an in depth review I really appreciate it.

I am English so that explains the quotation marks

the thing with the names is I dont want to have crazy names and overly outlandish and unbelievable characters. i think that is a bit of a cliché. Dennis is just called Dennis, i dont wanna call him like "Blaze" or "Warmonger" or anything like that. hes just some kid that happens to be a dick. With Karla, shes meant to be a 15 year old girl whose dad killed himself. shes meant to be delicate rather than a bad a*s leather clad gun toting babe.

i think i need to make the circumstance and the character basics clearer in the opening chapters. They are meant to be a group of poor and unwanted teens/youths. they arent crazy or murderous in their actions.

Dennis will feature later on as well. they are all on their own journeys and some of the characters will develop as Scott does.

Im trying to set the scene as things being on edge, a tipping point.