Awake

Bodies entwine a frozen silence in chaos,

one split second of pure beauty in focus, jewels glisten, 

soft gentle, fingers down my back explode, but this cannot last, the broken glass of morning comes crashing over the hills, raging forward with every second, blinding light drags us, tears us back to life, but hang on, cling to me, just one moment longer, for everything changes today,

Blinding flashes rip through the sky like a swift blade, the blood of cold hearted clouds flows in great glory for all to see, across the roof tops, past the street lights, filling gutters, flooding drains, a stream of tears runs down this cracked window Paine, with thunderous rage this day began for my love disappeared today

Reviews

[dan]

Ryan, The imagery employed in this piece fairly LEAPS off of the page; a love that has come and gone is read a requiem to put it to a solitary sleep. Very nicely done!
I am gratefully accepting your friend request. I ask only that you send me read requests for the pieces you would like me to review. Thank you. take care...dan

[conversations with her ..]

i could visualize this so well... this was amazing.

I'm new on here, so it would be an honour if you could review some of my poems!

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

The imagery, sensuality, and raw emotion are palpable. Well done!

[Sandra Nair]

Wonderful imagination... Excellent!

[Solar]

/the broken glass of morning comes crashing over the hills,
raging forward with every second,
blinding light drags us, tears us back to life/

Wow! fantastic imagery! the whole poem so sharply evocative!

[Sarah Redigan]

Speechless!

"raging forward with every second,
blinding light drags us, tears us back to life,
but hang on, cling to me,
just one moment longer,
for everything changes today,"

my hear squeezes at this .. the fear of knowing

Great write!

[JoshuaCmngs]

Noice imagery, I truly do enjoy this poem.

[Frank]

Great poem. Love your imagery.
I really liked broken glass morning.
Wasn't so hot on window Paine. Honestly think it would be better as windowpane. Meaning would come through still, but more subtle. Paine is a bit like a wet fish slap, IYKWImean.
Will give your book a go tonight.
But write more poetry!

[Legion]

Well done and tragic. What of the word Paine? Was that their name or is there some other significance to it being used in that line?

[Misphit]

Isn't it amazing how an experience is akin to the elements in so many ways? You captured the torrent of emotions in a chaotic write that came together beautifully. I actually thought the use of Paine was brilliant...I "get it"... A combination of real and warm human emotions like tears in correlation with a cold, disconnected piece of glass. Yet together they just fit. A magnificent version of rock, paper, scissors meets love, sex and heartache...Bravo my sweet!

[Blackheart]

Powerful imagery used so beautifully. The glory of the rising sun, and the approach of dawn is expressed in a really beautiful way. In the end, the loss of love is seen in a very profound way. :)

A small correction is there. In the 21st line, I think it's pane* instead of Paine*