Amnitiy - Letter to my Father

Not mine duh. helping a deer friend

A letter to my father

Although we didn't get along most of the time, you were there when it counted. 

I tried to avoid you like every other guy because I didn't want to get majorly hurt. 

You have shown me, no matter what you do, heartache will always come.

Eventually, I would do what all daughters do and beg you to hold me.

You have shown me that not all things can be avoided and that pain takes time to heal.

I have heard it said that a daddy is a girl's best friend; I have never seen that to be true.

However, I have noticed in most cases, that the father always tries to make sure his little girl is happy and thriving. 

Growing up, I made excuses for you. I understood you were busy.

I understood that the discipline was to help me, not hurt me.

I understood you were trying.

In the public eye, you were the perfect father. I wanted more at home. 

I did what I thought you wanted me to do.

I did what should have made you proud.

I always fell flat. 

Recently, I have come across letters you wrote to me as I grew up. 

"Baby Girl, you skinned your knee today. Your first thought was to run to me.

Another day, another pain I can't take away. My misery is met by the bottle.

Your tears can fill it. When you lay your head down at night, 

I look at you and wonder, did I do something wrong.

I can't get you to look at me. You refuse to bring your friends over.

Boys are interested, but you're terrified, finding any excuse you can to avoid them.

You hide your nose in a book and I couldn't be prouder. After all, they're just trouble.

There's a whole new world out there for you to see.  

Baby Girl, it's time to open your eyes. I don't want you to leap, but you're ready.

I see him looking at you. I know he'll take care of you.

I see you smile at him and I know, I've lost you for good, my Baby Girl no more."

On paper, you were awesome.

How could I be your Baby Girl then, then in front of you, your mistake.

If only I had the chance to talk to you. 

I would let you know that I love you, despite your many failures.

I would hug you tighter one last time.

I would look for your approval and hope to find it.

I would give you the forgiveness you didn't know you needed.

Most of all, I would look in your eyes and finally see me through them.

Just like you always wanted me to: as your Baby Girl