first draft

not really sure where i'm taking this story yet so all feedback and ideas are appreciated.

**  UNDISCLOSED LOCATION  **

She ran as fast as she could give the bloody gash in her leg, weaving between the low hanging branches of the trees as she went.  The jungle around her stretched out in all directions as far as her deep blue eyes could see.  Strangely, she remembered hearing that this ‘deserted’ island was full of desert and other sandy, dry terrain, no trees of any kind, let alone a luscious jungle. 

Her denim jeans ripped into make-shift shorts were snagging on bushes and twigs along with the tousled hair that no longer sat in a perfectly straightened shoulder length bob.  She had been running in the same direction for what felt like a millennia, chances are she hadn’t even been going for a full hour yet.  First of many she thought to herself taking another long stride over a small ditch. 

The sharp wind continued to blow the cold air into her eyes, making them water even more than they already were, obscuring her view.  Wiping her eyes with the back of her dirty hand caused her to lose her footing and stumble slightly.  Trying to regain her balance, she overstepped and began to fall.  Slowly, she fell through the musky air as she plummeted towards the ground.  Thinking fast, she spun over so her back faced the floor rather than her face just in case any branches were at face height.  As she landed, her head hit a rock hard and that was when she forgot.

 

*                                             *         * 

 

               **  SAN FRANCISCO, AMERICA **

“Jane!”

“Jane!  Come see this” a voice bellowed through the open house.

“JANE!”

A blonde woman, who to anybody that didn’t know must’ve looked like she was in her early thirties rushed though the archway from the bathroom, towel wrapped around her slender body with straighteners in one hand and toothbrush hanging from her lips.  She was in fact forty-three.  Leaning over his shoulder, making sure to keep the red hot straighteners away from his skin she tried to mumble something through the toothpaste.  Giggling at her attempt, she slinked away into the bathroom to spit out the minty froth that had gathered in and around her mouth.

 

She returned, still chuckling to herself. 

“Sorry Chris,” she said smiling from ear to ear at her husband who was substantially younger than her but didn’t look it due to her young appearance.   “What were you saying?”

Returning the smile, Chris pointed to the laptop he had rested on his muscular legs and motioned with his head to the tab he had open. 

It was a holiday to a remote island off the coast of South Africa, where Jane was a native of, going for an extremely good price as it was a last minute cancellation.  Chris always seemed to have a keen eye for things like this. 

                Jane looked impressed with this offer and shot a loving look at Chris as she stroked his thick black hair as she stood up from the position she was reading the laptop in.

Author's Note

ALL FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED AND I WOULD LOVE IDEAS

THANKS

Reviews

[Craig2591]

I have no ideas what-so-ever, but I will say that it is well written. Good action in the first part that gets the reader's interest and makes them want to know more.

The interaction between the characters in the second part seems real and natural.