Too Far

This piece is very much in the earlier stages of development, so comment are even more welcomed

A constant toil from my sense to my heart

Runs viciously, boiling through my veins,

One orders a fatal blow to my weakest part,

Another to the source of my heart aching pains,

The full force of my logic, all that I've learnt,

Comes crashing down like a catastrophic siege

Against the pleading pulsating bribes,

Sourced from my pathetic love scarred heart,

What more can my wasted, weak body take

Before I unwilling collapse onto your mocking floor?

What more can your passion fake

Before it slumbers me towards your desolate door?

Painfully, you now burn a deeper and deeper scar,

But still, I try to snuff you out and where you went too far,

Author's Note

This poem got its inspiration from a relationship I had where I am still never sure as to whether or not I did the right thing by ending it as they still continuously manage to haunt my mind but at the time it was truly a battle between my head and heart.

Reviews

[Lost in Wonderland]

Such a true, dark piece with nice imagery and emotion. I get what yoursaying inthe authors note completely. Very nicely done!
God bless

[Charlotte Haran]

I've been wanting to write about the same subject but I can never seem to find the right words. I love the use of a coil. It's like even though they're gone, they still have a twisted hold over you. Very relatable and emotive.

[Dr. Wood ?]

It is plain that this is work in progress just as it is clear that you needed to write it. There are some very moving lines and some great ones...Collapse on your mocking floor is brilliant....You have to get more flow to it, it does need work. This is only my opinion, and I am not an expert but it does tend to get a little clogged up from' comes crashing down'...to....love scarred heart. Sorry if this is no help