Alone

As we go through life we learn things,
first we learn the simple things,
to walk,
to talk,
to count,
to feed ourselves,
these are the simple things of life.

As we get older,
the things we learn are not so simple,
these lessons can be learned in different ways,
different order,
different perception,
these are not so simple to learn

The rules change as we get older,
we break a rule as a child,
we get spanked or scolded,
we break a rule as a adult,
and the punishment changes.
oh to be a child again,
as I sit here and look around me,
I see nothing of what I am proud of,
I did not mean to follow that girl that night,
I did not mean to reach out and grab her,
I did not mean to muffle her screams,
I did not mean to snap her neck as the last breath came out of her lips.
See the rules have changed!

Now the punishment has came down upon me,
and it is not my parents,
my loving parents,
that tried so hard to raise me right,
that taught me the different of right and wrong,
No they have no control at this point,
and neither do I!

At least this is the way it feels,
when I look out of the bars, and I see the wall,
the barb wire on the top of it,
this is all that seperates me from the world that I knew,
the time when things were so simple,
the time when life was so easy,
all of this is gone in a momententary breath.

I still say that I did not mean for this to happen,
it was an accident,
but I see the looks that I get,
from the family of her,
her with no name,
her that I never knew before,
Her! Her! Her!

I say her as if I didnt know her,
Well I didnt know her,
But I knew of her,
she was no different then my mother,
My sister,
My daughters,
but yet her has no name to me,
and even when I hear the name,
it has no meaning to me,
it is like a darkness so deep and shallow at the same time.

Now as I sit here,
I wait for people with no names,
to come out and call upon me to stand,
I do not know who they are,
they say they are a group of my peers,
well how do you find peers of mine,
when I do not know who I am?
How can you tell me they are like me,
when I am not aware of who I am myself.

I sit here,
alone! alone! alone!
as I have always sat here...
Alone

Reviews

[Ellen Tylor]

Yikes........when I started reading this poem I certainly didn't think it would go in the direction it did! A writing of consequences and of lonliness. Just chock full of emotion. Gives perspective from the "killers" point of view.

-ht

[nettkellar]

Call the shrink!! I think that was a confession.....