An Existence beyond Comprehension

Earth has burned. The planet has become nothing more than an ash in the field at the dawn of night. Every organic human has simmered in a spark of nuclear cleansing. Humankind has vanished. Clouds blanket the planet’s sky as if to hide the home world from the field of Sol and the galaxy at large. All that is left lighting the dark space above the planet is the distress call from Houston, Texas aboard the International Space Station. This is futile as Houston has become nuclear ash and dust on Earth, although, on the I.S.S. Houston is left to a flashing red dot on a control panel. Moscow’s existence mirrors that of Houston on the opposite end of the station, nothing more than a red dot in darkness above a waning ember in the field of space. Except Moscow’s dot is a solid red light with the label above reading “Roscommon Space Corporation HQ Distress.” Whereas, the label above Houston’s distress dot is “Houston Command Distress” about the flashing red dot that is nothing more than the size of a thumbprint. The Earth has burned leaving humankind to two dots orbiting the blanket of radioactive ash. Humans as a species now exist with a total population of two. With one astronaut and one cosmonaut: both breathing within the I.S.S., both speaking only one language, both unconscious from the force of the events below, both separated by emergency doors closing due to an internal fracture of the I.S.S., both now the only two humans in existence.

The astronaut awakes to remember nothing about them self, not even being able to recall their own physical features. No mirrors exists in the current state of the I.S.S. and no clear enough reflective surfaces to see any understandable reflection. This astronaut is clueless about the world around them and everything in their sight is foreign as if they were a child attempting to understand the complexity of past human society. Two windows exist in this astronaut area of the I.S.S., one that views ever so slightly into the other portion of the station where the cosmonaut remains unconscious and the other out onto the ash planet.

The astronaut’s suit is a white jumpsuit with a logo and a brown stain near the waist. The logo is impossible to read for the astronaut for they do not understand its symbolism or the word written below it. In addition, there is no light other than a single red dot; the station is black with no sign of any other excited photons for the astronaut’s eyes to turn into sight. The astronaut remains floating in the dark unable to comprehend the contained world around him. They are not fazed by the ash-covered world just outside the window as they have lost all memory of it being anything other than ash. Feeling confused and unsure, the astronaut sits and does nothing for hours with no idea of anything to do.

This new world exists in a state of stillness to the viewer; confused and unsure nothing moves because this new field of existence is dark, dark to the eyes of the astronaut whom remembers nothing. The astronaut ponders about the solid red light. It is all they can see other than the spurts of glowing radiation on the planet outside the window. What is this red light they wonder.

Why does this red light exist and what purpose does it serve? It is stationary and does not move as I do? These questions arise to the astronaut, not in the form of language but as feelings deep in their chest and mind. They can feel these questions without having the words or images to express them in their thought.

The astronaut approaches the red light through jerks and shoves, they do not remember how to move let alone in zero gravity. This movement is all done instinctually and is very ineffective. After a while, the astronaut reaches the red light and to their dismay, the light does nothing but stay a solid red. It does not move or blink, the light remains in one constant state. The astronaut frowns at this and tears. They do not understand why this is happening but they feel they must react this way in their chest and mind. Left to no possible inclinations of what to do next, the astronaut remains floating in zero gravity next to this light in darkness. Waiting for what, the astronaut does not know. After hours nothing changes, the light remains red and the station remains in darkness.

Eventually the red light goes away, leaves into darkness. The station has run out of energy to power the light. The light becomes silent. With one flicker of red to signal, the light has disappeared seemingly into nothingness. At this instance, the astronaut experiences horrify flashes of images into their mind that seem in away apocalyptic. The astronaut regains their mind, memories, and experiences at the expense of the loss of the red light; everything becomes clear in their mind. How they got into this place, what this place is, and where they belong? Their meaning of life seems almost reachable except their current fate floating in complete darkness seems to lose their mind as soon as they obtained it. All these memories seem impossible to categorize in their mind, as soon as they understand several, several more play out as if they were watching a screen. It is as if their entire life is playing in from of them with each scene-taking place at different intervals. They see their first time experiencing the ocean while they see the death of a family member. They remember their name but as soon as it comes to their head, it is put aside for another bit of information flowing to their mind. The astronaut understands why they are here and understands of the concept of being in this place but for some strange reason cannot completely comprehend the state of actually being. They understand but not really. It is as if the colors of the universe have presented themselves to the astronaut but the astronaut is blind and cannot comprehend it but understand they exists in front of them.

The meaning for being is right in front of the darkness that has clouded the astronauts mind but they cannot seem to push past the darkness. The astronaut becomes frustrated and begins violently jerking their limbs around the station until they land a punch into the side of the blackness of the station’s wall. Something is not right. The astronaut feels uneasy about them self. They cannot flail they right arm anymore because it is no longer attached to their body.

At this moment, everything becomes organized in their mind, all the memories and experiences. They understand it all now.  They become self-aware of them self.

“I cannot understand my current state of being because I do not actually exist independently.”

The astronaut continues to think to them self.

“I am storage for all human experiences salvaged below. Their final fate has created my existence. My life does not exist because I am simply not a being that can exist.”

“I am a computer created to store humanities memories and sent aboard this station to safely store everything. I understand this.”

“But.”

“I cannot comprehend this meaning.”

Therefore, the astronaut decides to float in silence thinking about this meaning to never comprehend it and only to understand it. The astronaut ponders the question, “Is there anyone else or anything like me or am I the last bastion of existence and thought? Do I actually think or is this someone’s stored thought?”

“I don’t comprehend this thought, am I even existing?”

At this moment of terror within the astronauts mind of whether they really exist or they are just a unit of computer storage experiencing the thought of billions of human experiences and thought the cosmonaut awakes.

Not understanding the world around having lost all memory the cosmonaut sits in darkness until they spot a flashing red light. The cosmonaut waits and feels uncertain about the darkness and flashing red light within their vison. Unable to understand anything the cosmonaut waits attempting to understand a meaning of existence in which they lack the tools to understand while less than twenty feet from them on the other side of the darkened station, the astronaut experiences and existential crisis that they can never resolve. However, the cosmonaut sits in darkness waiting to comprehend the world around them.