A promiscuous career ends

An obscure retirement

 

I can't take the gawking, the debasing rude comments and gestures, the degradation and self-noxious behavior has become unbearable. My self-esteem must be reestablished in order for me to cleanse and mend my very soul. 

So for these reasons and self-exoneration, I am unfortunately retiring, from my exotic dancing career. Yes its goodbye to "Radioactive Ram Rod Russ". Disappointment overwhelms you all and I understand that, and this announcement will bring tears to most. 

OMG I promised myself I wouldn't cry... sorry, I'm verklempt (sniffle sniffle)... My milkshake won’t bring all the girls to the yard, my gyrate has to migrate, this pelvis won't Elvis anymore, and my money maker will shake no more.

 

I'll never hear "Funky Cold Medina" the same again. My illustrious triple half gainer off the pole and sticking the landing in a complete split will go down in infamy, but I want to, nay need to, do this for me! 

I am man, hear me roar... meow, whateva