A Slip N Slide slip up

A Story by Russ Teed

I'm an idiot and I keep proving it on a daily basis.

As reigning champion of Slip N Slide dreadfully calamitous endings, I decided to change things up so my exhibition wouldn’t come to a skin-to-rubber flesh burning screeching halt.

This time I generously rubbed Crisco shortening not only on me, but on the 20 foot blue sliding apparatus as well. I also placed it at the top of the hill in my back yard for maximum velocity.

With the water gushing onto my launching pad from my power washer I took my graceful yet athletically masculine 12 step sprinting head start and catapulted my body into the air superbly synonymous to the likeness of Superman.

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Back to the action: I hit the sliding material and shot off like a scud missile. I seemed to gain speed as I progressed forward. Broaching 60 MPH I recall children, adults, picnic tables, and wooden fence particles catapulting upward like ping pong balls in those glass bubble lottery machines as I crash through one neighbor’s fence after another.

My wayward water works hydroplane egregiously ended when I met a neighbor that had, unfortunately for me, selected the chain link variety of fencing. After dislodging most of my now askew checker-board welted face and body. This particular fence was much stronger than one would think and it left quite the impression on me.

It goes without saying that, literally, and metaphorically, I have many a fence to mend.