just do

i’ve tried everything

except what is beyond my reach

which is nigh on everything

multiplied times infinity

i tried loving beyond myself

one with the spirit

one with love

to some

whether willing or not,

but to little avail

the resistance

most only love themselves

the bewilderment and confusion

some can find no time to be loved

confounded me to oblivion

so that i let go

time and time again

i let myself go

to vice

to simple pleasure

with some restraint

still i did not attain

as if to climb to the highest clouds

i cannot

cannot catch the wind

between my fingers,

it’s more than gravity

that keeps me down

i am down by utter plight

i have sought release

there is none

i am a vessel

given in to the earth and all in it,

i cannot hold to contain

i am just me

like an experimental one

i am tossed here and there

and everywhere

with great restraints,

i acquiesce

i am not master of my own destiny

i look at those that think they are

and acquiesce to their presumption

in silent reverie

it leaves me empty

i live by what i know of faith

vulnerable to the entire universe

i am tossed here and there,

everywhere

i must respond well,

no,

i must not adhere to what is wrong,

ever,

i must shun evil

always

i must rely on my God

in all matters

i must acquiesce in all matters

like a wheel fixed to its axle

i must turn

turn,

turn,

always turn

i am an observer,

i am a reactor,

i judge

i move

i breathe

i care

and i care not,

i live as best i can

i must work to make myself content

if i acquiesce

to the stark truth

of existentialism,

of man’s philosphies,

i am beaten down

i am become weak

distraught and despaired

i am not a vessel

i am utterly nothing

seek a hobby

pray,

wait for the end of the next scene,

the outcome of the next step

work and play

help others,

write a poem

a short sory,

edit it,

edit the day

the previous night and my life,

always edit

wait,

wait for the next bombshell,

the change of weather,

the next upheaval in nature

and or politics

or else escape into the wilderness

Lord help me do what you will

let me just do,

is my prayer