i choose christmas

oh, i wander on this earth

oh, it’s so dangerous

where is my protection?

my help is called lonely

my thirst sits at the bottom of niagra falls

my heart is crushed with lies

they swirl in every direction

like a mindless storm

tragedy abounds,

no shortage of news griefs

hearts beat slow and skip,

and stop

tears flow,

the floor slips

i am lost in the whirling winds

of dying voices,

here today,

obliterated tomorrow

like at the end of a gum eraser

how can i find rest

when i see fragments of people,

dissolved like shadow dreams,

dissolved by the dark

then heat

and cold

and then fire in agony,

that comes from nowhere,

groping in the dark

i am fragmented myself

by the moving of time,

relentless

never slowing,

here today

gone tomorrow,

but never stopping,

pushing to the narrowed edge

my sorrow is deep

and endless

i cover it with short term occupation

only my compassion for others' pain

keeps me sane

i am weak

i am stubble

i am burdened

deep beneath the rubble

only music

only a script

only the sounds formed together,

that weave a visual story,

such as the genius of charles dicken’s,

a christmas carol can heal me now,

the black and white version,

the 1935 youtube marvel,

https://youtu.be/Gush7b-KWrs

can heal me now

only the profound meaning found

in the invisible,

the tragic,

made sensical by the outcome,

even in the midst of supreme and weighty pain,

misery and dread,

only the threads of reality,

of compassion,

that tears the veil of pride and selfish,

unseen,

guided by invisible hands

only the ethereal,

the spiritual from the glorious above,

only such balm can heal me now

my soul and my spirit yield now,

to the sounds of christmas

its simple truth brings me relief now,

if but only a moment

i succumb to the beauty and the truth

and the light

and the sound

of the glory

of the meaning

of christmas

i rise to the strength

i go by the power of the one,

who at this time gives me meaning

and shares his limitless love

i choose to go through the storm,

tossed and torn by the shards

of the harsh,

of the place we call earth

i choose to see smiles in place of human frowns

i choose to walk in courage and love

i choose to take the X out of christmas

and fight quietly against disdain and dread

of this season,

this time,

this place,

until all things are restored,

as in the final chapter,

as found in the glorious,

sounds and visuals,

of another classic marvel's ending chapter,

https://youtu.be/6Fft9DLIp7E

that transport me back,

coupled with years of living,

seeing,

feeling,

believing,

back to where things should be,

where they were always intended to be,

though it's dark

the glorious light of Christ and his love

still lights the world,

i choose Christmas