tower of strength

One day to the next i’m just here

i just am . . .

not much has changed

i’m just more aware

than when i was a kid

i was just there back then

i just knew what was in front of me

today i can see that i can see,

things that i never questioned

when i was a kid

when i rarely if at all

asked why,

or when,

or how . . .

i ask now

one great man said

with great knowledge

comes great sorrow

. . .

it was just a was for me,

back then

and an is

today it’s changed

now i see more

there’s much more,

now it’s a constant now

today it’s an unconstant tomorrow

. . .

the unseen,

my powers of observation

have increased manifoldly,

by experience

i feel it on my skin

as one man said,

out of tune with tomorrow

means forgetting that we are

look around you

there are many walking dead

the sun will go up and it will go down

things will continue as they have

for millinea . . .

it seems

got to get the same fix

we’ve got to run here

got to run there

or not run at all

got a plan this and that,

i feel for those who can’t

my skin’s getting thinner and thinner

pains are increasing,

but it’s still the same old play

catherine hepburn said,

i’m rotting,

she said, . . .

rotting

right in front of the mirror she said it,

i think it's in rolling stone magazine,

google it . . .

and now she’s gone,

rotted skin and bones,

in the grave,

same as for myriads

over millenia,

and will continue

the hollywood stars,

as they call themselves

rot too,

and will be gone,

like catherine

and myriad others,

all forgtten, . . .

david bowie?

oh yeah,

remember him?

c'mon,

nobody cares,

for very long anyway

but they don’t question when,

or why,

’til it’s too late,

like tommy boy,

and the myriad forgotten ones,

here today gone tomorrow,

can’t keep track,

like wind blown chaff,

nobody really cares right?

until some calamity,

happens,

then we might remember,

but it makes little difference

i’m okay,

so far,

if it’s something that happens,

like an accident,

the death of a loved one,

the shock,

before the return to what is called normal,

then things aren’t normal

because there’s really no such thing

as normal right?

are the fires ravaging california,

normal?

are DEWs normal?

is geoengineering normal?

people are depressed,

but,

like dr. Phil says,

i don’t wonder why,

i ask, why not?

Adam and Eve did themselves in,

according to the book,

the lost books of eden,

or some other books similar to these,

God resuscitated them

we don’t know ourselves,

that much is clear,

to me . . . ,

we have no choice

i have found that,

if i rebel and stray,

if i partake of what i know is wrong

and willingly indulge,

my fear alarm goes off

much of my respect for God

is based on fear of evil

and of things

that are overwhelming,

the truest meaning

of awesome really is,

my pensive moment(s)

of reflection,

filled with his holy spirit,

is the truest meaning of

what awesome is,

along with associated phenomenon,

like it,

too numerous to delineate here, . . .

like staring into a black hole

with nothing between you

and it

and your naked self,

with your naked eye . . .

or like the detonation

of a hydrogen bomb,

not far in the distance

just before the rush

of supersonic radioactive winds

hit your naked,

frail flesh

how about you?

how do you cope?

i hear the word of the gospel,

the good news

about eternal death being defeated, . . .

have you ever thought of death being an entity

and it being defeated?

well, it is,

and it will be defeated,

i have access to books

written by man

dictated,

impressed by God

that prove this

the truth is given to us,

truths are ours

in this falsehood filled world

given to us mercifully

by our crucified God

and of his giving us of eternal life,

just by believing in him . . .

have you heard that God

(and wouldn't it be respectful to have

all capitalize his name?)

He will defeat Death,

those who believe in him

they will hear,

hey death where's your sting now?

why he's swallowed up in victory

by the lamb of God

i know these truths,

and as a matter of course,

i’m still affected negatively,

down in the dregs,

at times,

'cause i'm only human,

just like you

can you imagine, . . .

those that don’t have the gospel,

the good news,

how do they cope with the issues

of being down in the dregs?

sometimes being down in the dregs

is worse than the brief

frightening phenomenon

alluded to above

i would imagine,

being in the dregs

would perhaps welcome

instant annihilation,

what happened to Robin williams?

it’s all an old,

tired,

worn-out cliche,

this timeless question of mine, . . .

and a

rhetorical,

placebo answer

arises, . . .

they turned to drugs,

in their hopelessness of the dregs,

of that state of mind

of facing hell on earth

without God,

they turned to things with which to cope

and can you blame them?

they searched for meaning in books,

philosophy,

or religion,

increasing the depth of their problems,

like i did,

at one time

before i knew,

that i knew,

that i know,

the truth

and being human,

i know they do whatever,

to survive,

to get by,

or they manage by

sexual addictions,

any and all things,

common to mankind,

and it's sad

long lists of activities

all of them,

in one way,

or another, . . .

getting old,

damaging the spirit,

killing the flesh,

a polarizing destruction

of mind,

soul and spirit,

contamination,

a great distancing from God,

to misery

i’m tired of the new,

because in reality

it’s just the old,

seemingly new,

to the inexperienced

the covering of my spirit is sensitive

i do care about offending the Holy Spirit

but i must also be honest and truthful

to my feelings,

i must express them verbally,

these feelings,

their meaning is not neutralized

by thinking of them

blaming him gets you and me nowhere

my expressed feelings are

a kind of apologetics,

between me and my creator

from whom we cannot hide

no matter the depth

the width,

or the height of our being

at least i’m trying to be caring

i tell myself

i still have the capacity

to feel for others

and love them and love myself

my dregs

my hopelessness

the depression hurts my bones

and joints,

literally,

because the physical,

the biochemistry,

the magnificence of the complexity

of how we are created

affects the spirit

and my bones hurt

and my muscles hurt,

when it comes,

just like it might do you

anti depressants don't help

they only mask

i just get weary of the selfish,

all over the place

the pride

it stinks

in me or them,

or us,

makes no difference

especially of those

who think only of themselves

the mess in this universe,

along with its evil hand

that runs itself over all of mankind,

that treats us like insects,

that keeps mankind in ignorance . . .

. . .

of its darkness

and confused confusion

our hidden history

the lies surrounding our atmosphere,

and of his,

the god of this world,

the prince of darkness,

keeping all things hidden in lies

particularly our history

found in certain books

that most shun

calling them myth

and yet their beliefs

guided by the doctrine of fallen angels

inculcated by man

some evil

some deceived,

feed the lies of evolution,

that there is no God,

no devil,

only flesh and mother nature,

while the word of God

lies inert because it is not consulted

while in an age of knowledge explosion

and internet disposal at our fingertips

for research

of our historical significance

for its abundant proofs

archaeological and otherwise

lies inert because it is not consulted . . .

while the lies of man’s theories prosper

of life’s so called origins fester clear thinking

and now on top of everything

from haarp

to cern to . . .

weather engineering

particles in our atmosphere

morgellons

nano particles

interface man with biochemical

computer manipulation . . .

i’ll return back

to what i’ll call normal though,

if i experience anxiety and fear

i will run to the Tower of my strength

which is Jesus Christ

like a mischievous child,

who’s been hurt

by malicious acts,

being naughty as it were,

i will run back to my tower

for i’ve stared a bit

into the maw

by a sliver of a crevice,

just a bit

i’ve caught a glimpse

of death

to fear,

i've caught a glimpse

of what's come on the earth already

and what's more to come . . .

i’ve tasted a bit

of what is to come

by my tower of strength,

who keeps me sane,

who forgave my sins . . .

who heard me when i said,

help me,

save me . . .

i’ve caught enough of its vision,

a vision of a kingdom of love and peace

not here,

but coming,

i've seen descriptions of it,

the unseen universe of God's throne

of his myriad angels

standing in the courts of heaven,

of its reality,

i've studied about paradise lost

and the conspirators who rebelled against heaven,

i've peered through the veil enough,

to learn contempt

for the author of death

and of hell

i, . . .

we’ll run back,

usually

based on fear of being hurt

i have no shame in admitting that

it’s a wicked,

rough,

wild and scary world,

and far more frightening

than most people think

we have cushions that protect

from the fear,

carpeted rooms,

thermostat controlled

homes,

cars,

minds

i don’t want to come up with any specific examples

except for,

think about the Pit and the Pendulum

penned by edgar allen poe

there’s plenty more . . .

sure, me too,

i’m capable of writing macabre masterpieces

but no,

i don’t want to

yeah,

i’m not ashamed to admit it

i’m afraid,

i know i can take myself over the edge,

in writing frightening masterpieces, . . .

i’ve come there before,

don’t want to do it,

and i’d bet

i could take you there,

but i’ll do best to focus on

whatever is good

whatever is true

whatever is lovely

and worthy of praise,

i will let my mind dwell on those things

i have a contempt for the devil and his fruit

i will worship my creator

yes, in part

based on fear for the unknown,

but i believe there’s wisdom in this, . . .

c’mon, our creator is an awesome God

and there's only one way to know him,

that's by Jesus Christ,

God made flesh,

the christmas story . . .

think about those kinds of things

things that are awesome

rather than those that go bump in the night

check out the horsehead nebula,

to name but one other awesome phenomena

getting back to things that i see in awe,

that are intimidatingly frightening,

no shame in that,

especially if it brings me closer

to my tower of strength, . . .

. . . things like being up on a high elevation

and looking down

if you’re fearful of heights,

even if you’re not,

or looking,

peering down into a bottomless pit

in the dark,

enough to give you instant diarrhea

how’s that for a short and fragmented list?

how about a horrendous wreck,

a car or airplane wreck,

where you’re missing a member or two,

but you’re still conscious,

bleeding to death

slowly,

your entrails hanging,

there’s worse possibilities

think of vietnam atrocites,

civil war,

hutu vs. tutsi,

jeffry dahmer's victim . . .

mayan temples,

decapitaed heads rolling off their acute angles,

youtube the videos,

how 'bout driving through flames

in Paradise california

on a narrow night road,

coming into the tunnel

and out the other flame lit end,

begging God's help . . .

the list is vastly incomplete

things of that nature . . .

yes, we live in a frightful world,

don’t we?

so much so,

and we can’t do,

haven’t been able to do much about it,

it is what it is . . .

we can’t stop earthquakes,

tidal wave tsunamis,

. . . Fukushima . . .

shadow secret,

dark web,

deep state, . . .

is ignorance bliss?

it is what it is,

so much so,

that I want to cling,

to the good,

the wholesome,

the pure, . . .

because,

i do fear,

don’t you?

i mean, after all

i’m just flesh and blood,

a vapor,

very vulnerable,

like a gnat,

flying close to a candle flame

it’s amazing to me,

how many people,

though,

never think of things like that,

ignorance is bliss

they’re very bold,

live lives of crime

and never consider God,

or their own demise

did you ever see the picture

on YouTube

of bonnie and clyde’s bullet riddled car?

they thought they were invulnerable

. . . and

in an instant they were dead . . .

. . .another frightful thing is,

a wicked soul,

falling into the hands of the living God

they keep on keepin' on,

wow,

they keep on doing things

that defy God,

disrespecting him with lies,

murder, hate, . . .

you know the imprinted list

as well as i do,

it's embedded in our makeup

is it pride,

or just sheer stupidity?

ignorance?

or never having the time?

or caring to think about thinking

about those things?

you ever wonder

about that vulnerable state,

like a child crying

totally helpless?

like you and i once were

we can’t even remember a travel

down the birth canal,

or being in diapers

that’s who i am . . .

vulnerable,

somehow having left diapers

makes us develop enough cocky confidence

to forget about what right and wrong,

so much so that,

and i must constantly return

to the Tower of my strength,

so that i’m not destroyed,

vicariously or literally

i’m aware of that much

i'm aware of a loving and merciful God

how about you?

maybe i’m here to remind us both

of what it’s like,

for sake of seeking a better place,

a place free of harm

not yet here on this planet,

but a real place nonetheless,

coming . . .

check it out,

a city of gold

with fantastic dimensions

defying known physics,

a cube,

1500 miles of depth height and breadth,

recorded in the book of revelation . . .

God does not lie

there’s no other place,

other than what i’ve read about . . .

belief by faith and hope

which is real,

the substance of things unseen,

which for those who understand

more real than the real world itself

i do know that there is such a place

as eternal Bliss

as someone called it

a city made by God

no man has seen or even heard of

but it will Astound us

when we do hear and see it

no one has heard

or seen what amazing things God has

in store for those that love

him, . . .

google it

so the depression

and the apathy

and the fear,

they tend to erase those hopes,

but deep inside,

there’s a spark of divine,

one from God

that won’t let me forget

and walks me through

the valley of the shadow of death

as i run to the tower of my strength

for that i am thankful

while in my clear mindedness,

yet hard to be in

while in the midst of my pain

as you,

my fellow human,

are aware

i choose this,

rather than to submerge myself,

or to let go

to drowning in my depression,

so i play the philosophical game

and go full circle

and i always go back

to the Tower of my strength,

Jesus Christ

how about you?

what’s the Tower of your strength?

you want to know how real it is?

it’s as real as you and me

i mean,

you believe that i exist,

don’t you?

though you’ve never met me

you’re the savior of my soul

Jesus,

my Jesus

you’re the savior of my soul

you’re the savior of my soul

and of anyone else who believes,

simply believes,

i know this much

i know that when i’m in trouble,

mentally or physically,

he steps in, . . .

he just did

he’s the shield of my strength,

i’ve met him invisibly

in my spirit

just like you have met me,

just by reading these words i’ve written

i feel like a balm has been poured

on my wounds

i feel better

maybe you feel,

like you can relate

to what i’m thinking and saying

maybe you’ll feel better too

i may be like a child,

rocked or wooed by his mother . . .

i feel better just talking to you

the tower of my strength is real,

he’s a real person and he’s come

to my aid again

i would hope

that you would choose

to make him yours

peace out . . .

PostScript: kind of makes sense doesn’t it?

that i don’t belong to myself

he will take charge of my life

it is so

as i will,

because

i do have free will

i have no other alternative

neither do you,

you just may not realize it

you can get as angry as you want

or sarcastic

and hateful

and spiteful

and even blasphemous,

but please don’t

because it’s the only unforgivable sin

against the Almighty creator

you get it don’t you?

i mean, what if someone disses your grandmother,

or loved one -

your special love,

who you would defend . . .

even throw blows for . . .

you can even rage against the machine,

see how far that gets you,

it’s like,

the coming time of AI

you know,

artificial intelligence

if you don’t believe me

youtube it . . .

AI according to the brain scientist,

Hugo de Garis,

. . . Elon musk

brialliant christian scientist,

anthony patch . . .

youtube is at your disposal,

as is Alexa

AI trillions of times more intelligent

than you and i put together

you can rage against their precepts,

see how far it gets you,

you’ll die angry and afraid

can you tame niagra falls?

can you outlive others of our kind

who have died at say 100 years of age?

you’ll die raging toward these things

with your fists raised high

the devil’s load is heavy

to the point of eternal death

he,

the fool that rebelled against

the Most High

can you imagine that?

yes,

the fool that rebelled,

his load is heavy

to the point of death

he,

wants your soul,

yes,

he,

who most who’ve been brainwashed

since Eden,

into believing in evolution

y’know

that theory that mixes truth and science

with lies

to keep you

from coming

to the One who created you and me,

the one who wants your soul

yes,

he,

the fallen angel,

lucifer

the light bearer

at least he was

once,

long ago,

who keeps our history

locked in vaults

of our own pride

who is master of hiding the truth

from us

but can’t do a thing about

the truth being revealed

if we submit to the Lord

who is the true light

it’s a matter of will

do it,

ask him

and he will release you from bondage

and you will see,

that the devil,

yes,

the devil, . . .

cast your preconceived ideas aside,

that to believe in him,

is like childhood fables of belief,

he does exist

although invisible

yes,

the devil wants your soul,

your blood to feed upon,

and then he will gain your

subservient worship

to all eternity

you must face it,

don’t if you won’t

but,

you must face the truth

especially if you haven’t kept up

with hidden history

which the mainstream media

won’t ever, ever acknowledge

even to the point of their own demise,

that there is a God,

only one,

although there are many mythical,

so called ones,

as in little, “g” . . .

yes,

fallen gods,

those that were there when the Father

created the known physical universe,

the earth and mankind

along with all wonders,

they sang praises

all together,

look it up

yeah,

but i know,

you won’t

at least not in broad daylight,

when all you’re friends are watching

it’s not cool,

right?

it’s about being cool

and it’s more cool

to act bad a*s

in front of your friends

right?

well,

that’s the way the devil wants it

the one who rejoiced when he saw

God’s marvelous creation in the beginning,

but he got jealous of man and his kind,

"what do you mean,

man was created special

more special than us angels?

created in God’s own image

who is to rule over us?

No way!

i won’t stand for it!!

he raged, . . .

and he didn’t

and the rest of it is history

haven’t you read your history,

your bible?

written for you

haven’t you read paradise lost,

or the book of enoch?

of course not

i understand,

it’s not appealing

what do you expect in a world

ruled by the devil, . . .

you heard me right

he hasn’t more power than God,

who is Almighty

it’s about free will,

so if you,

if we choose freely,

we choose pleasure,

we choose things in ignorance,

sometimes God will only open our eyes

if we allow him to

so,

here we have the devil

enticing us with pleasure

as in instant gratification

at least in developed countries

contrasted with so called

underdeveloped ones

tempted with things like,

sex,

power,

wealth,

more sophisticated y’know

us developed nations,

harder to entice,

right?

easier to subvert

easier to convince there is no God

music at our fingertips,

any genre,

technology

like cell phones,

t.v.

internet,

we’re blessed,

i mean lucky

so, why do we need God,

we have ourselves,

we have our inventions

we don’t believe in superstitions,

right?

we have evolution

we came from nothing

and going to nothing right?

why don’t you run with me?

to the tower of our strength

to the Lord of Lords

Jesus Christ,

whose yoke is light

and his load is not heavy,

he is our God and savior,

the tower of our strength

Reviews

[Chryiss]

Huh! Can I give myself a little clap for finishing this to the very end? All joking aside, a very very interesting piece that felt like the trails of your thoughts. It was reminded me of my own rambling thoughts about the world but with more people/real-life references in a format which connected each thought to a final end. The usage of ellipses and line breaks was perfect in creating that string of interrelated thoughts. I also loved how the stanzas would end with google it or youtube it after previously having talked about the past. This mix of modern and old created an engaging dynamic despite the length. Also, the switches from quotidian, informal speech to evocative phrases such as "there are many walking dead" (this one stood out to me in particular) added to that varied dynamic. Very well thought out and arranged.
Only three typos that I picked up: millinea (was correctly spelled as millenia the second time), forgtten - forgotten and decapitaed - decapitated. Probably overlooked due to the length.
Great job!