awarenessA Poem by RuseInex
i woke one day
i was aware, i saw and felt, mainly fear, some curiosity mainly, i just felt by seeing, i wasn't fully self aware then, it came later, i never came fully, either the pain intensified to be sure then, the fear it never left, it will never leave, it comes and goes in waves every day i didn't know i was helpless back then, because i wasn't sufficiently aware as i am now, it's a relative thing we think we're in control, i can say it 'cause i'm human, just like you, if someone disagrees, it may be on account of they may have large amounts of money, or possessions, you know, s**t loads of material things to make them feel they're in control, ask elvis or michael jackson, if you see them in vons or savemart we think we're in control because we have a job, because we drive to work, or make decisions, because we have a cell phone or a car we think we're in control, but ask a fukushima survivor about that, or a victim of chernobyl, or hirohima, or a survivor of hitler's concentration camp, (i know some of these) oh, damn, the list is pathetically, depressingly, heavy and long, and it's happening now, under our noses, all over the world debt, cancer, irs, a neighbor, a lawsuit, a family member, murders, rapes, extortions, stalkings, thefts, mental depression wrenchingly, tragically, long lists of mayhem, madness and teeth gnashing we are not, not in control, the list of violence, madness, mayhem anarchy and Godlessness is long the what, where, the how come the ten commandments, why are they even considered, consulted, outdated, scorned, reviled, obsolete it's the age we live in, the era of pride, God is mocked, time is short when exactly did i become self aware? i will never know i have many, many memories now one day, rather, sometime, somewhere, i will awaken, rather, i will be aware i don't know what my surroundings will be, any more than i knew the surroundings of my birth when i did'nt know who changed my diaper, how many times, or when i didn't know who carried me from here to there, or if someone tossed me into the air and caught me, so much so, that i wasn't capable of fearing to be dropped i don't remember a near miss of a catch of me, by say, a drunken uncle i'm tossed here and there now every day i'm tossed and i'm aware of it and, yeah, i'm afraid, because i'm aware i don't know if i'll be caught again, or if i'll be fatally, mortally dropped, the final time, aren't you? the past of my life came and went, quickly and suddenly perhaps i will die suddenly, as in, it might catch me off guard maybe my death might be prolonged, before my last breath, dying on a road somewhere, or on mountain, or sea, or field, or foreign land, or hospital bed, or, . . . a fire, a car crash, a nuclear halocaust, an invasion by russia death by gun, or sword, as in knife, you know, violence i hate the concept of a grim reaper, or angel of death, don't you? but i'm helpless, i don't like hopelessness i hate being helpless, i'd rather never have known knowing, it is what it is is acquiescence to helplessness it goes fast, this life, and we just are, or is, or were, or will be, helpless and i'm in the dark, though we're surrounded by light, artificial, or real, or inner, as in spiritual, as in, from God himself, you know, the real God, the one of the bible the light is illuminating, sometimes bright, and naked, as under flourescents, or surgical, or from an epiphany, or from a near death, or supernatural experience, as in from God one day, or night, rather, at some moment, now, or later, or soon, or sooner, or soonest, we will die, no denying, it's certain, it'reality we will awaken, somewhere, fully helpless and aware we will feel we feel pain, or pleasure, or joy, or not in these moments, i wish i'd never feel, i wish i'd never awaken © 2018 RuseInex |
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1 Review Added on March 20, 2018 Last Updated on March 20, 2018 AuthorRuseInexFresno, CAAboutI was born in obscurity Outside a small country town’s limits In a plank shack I kept a few memories That come into my head That i still carry around That i visit now and then The dust .. more..Writing
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