time for renewal

how can i put it?

i came in with open eyes

but i was blind 

an empty slate

waiting for the fill

found myself little by little

but not knowing how

just glimpses of here and there

an empty slate 

being filled by default

filled with words

filled with images against my will

taking it in by default

helplessly carried about

from here to there

a little bit of everywhere and everything

clung and stuck to me,

tortured me

sometimes, somehow, pleasured me

then fleetingly teased me

always went

always goes away to torment me

outlasted by the helplessness

that carried me about

tantalizing me and then clamping down

a hard steel trap

tossed here and there 

lost in my thoughts

gazing and absorbing instinctively

instilling, wondering 

immersed in the web of thought and self

alone and afraid mostly through the years

with few lost souls accompanying me in my wandering

taking in ideas and thoughts and recording,

always reordering

assimilating, digesting, following

reaching, falling, stumbling, asking

always wondering

the slate is still being written upon

the walk in the dark getting less frightful

i've wanted out time and again

there is no final solution for anyone if that's all there is

the end comes when the body falls and exhales its final breath

what then happens to the slate?

did the hatred felt being in the world's grid carry you away?

did you feel love at all in any of its forms?

did you see the light of the sun?

did it shine on your face and the green of earth?

how about the dark of midnight when you heard the unseen moving around,

did you feel the uncomfortable fear of the force that wanted to take you with it to the pit of hell?

i did

i'm still here taking it all in

still feeling 

still wondering

wandering about doing my duties,

what i know my duties are

as i'm taking it all in

i do what i must

i rise from bed and go about doing

taking it all in 

the good and the bad

that comes with all the images that cross my field of vision and mind's perception

i am as helpless as you and everyone else who entered into this world

i am just another of the billions since it all began

i have no power of control except a little,

no more than you,

no less

i am mainly an observer

but i do the good

i know what it is

whether i am blind or not

i follow the light of the sun

i accept the evil that comes my way, but i do not bow to it

i choose the good

i prefer it

i prefer the rose over the thorns

although i've learned to accept the thorns

i refuse to honor them

i know one day, i'm told 

all paths will be made straight

right will prevail

wrong will go away

it will be removed

a world without problems you say is good,

that without problems life would not be worth living,

i refuse to bow to this idea

because i know of times on the written slate of my being of experience,

the times when i have sat by a riverbank admiring the beauty of nature,

my kin

without problems

i remember walking with a friend and singing together and jumping for joy with him

these moments could last forever

i don't need problems

i remember thinking about living forever without the fear of being extinguished by the state of consciousness we call death

i don't need death

i remember well the sadness of the thought of never again being able to sit, or walk and jump for joy with my friends

because of the isolation, the problems born of greed and hate,

now and future

these problems i could do without

no, i can well imagine a world without problems

a world without the problem of fences and walls

no razor wire, miles of it shining, 

wicked, defiant, arrogant, sharp

in the bleak

of bleaching, blinding light

shameless under the blazing of the burning sun

thirsty for human flesh

the naked ugliness of starvation and bloody wars,

the abuse,

the children innocent

crimes on them and much worse,

left unspoken

i can well imagine,

no need to merge myself with further words of sludge

or the need for the merge with an iron piece by which to defend myself

after all we have shields of defense, like nuclear umbrellas

that can vaportize all our problems away

we can surely do without these kinds of horrific problems

i can well imagine a world with no burning fires belching black smoke into the air by ignited pitch of oil fields blazed by greed,

or radiation that emits all over earth,

no persistent wars since the dawn of time,

no repeated human histories of atrocities commited

to be committed

over milenia past and to come ad nauseum, ad infinitum

repetitious insanity

no chernobyls

no fukushimas

3 mile islands again

no darpas

no cern anti matter

no strangelets

no mutually assured destruction,

no politics,

no promise

no hate

a world of rioters filling the streets running pell mell amuk,

smashing things and those standing in their way

the chaos of the melee of insanity's problems

a world of beauty off the grid but in the tentacles of on grid, corrupted by the stomping and madness of problems

a world of beauty without problems

the streams of the highlands flowing cold and swift,

clean and pure as they should on their way to the ocean deep

creatures there and everywhere running swimming free 

no disease, no killing

but the air is filling with poisons more each day

as are the oceans

the killing of the earth

that's the way i see things are

problems

it's not CO2, it's greed

not the world i want to live in,

but one for all of us

a world of Isaiah's prophesy and Revelation

after the problems

a world made by the One

who created the heavens and the earth who says

he will restore it

and then re create it to former glory

with no problems

a new heavens and a new earth