looking through

in the morning i strained to hear your voice
in the morning before you woke
i counted the days i've followed
the days i've stumbled over
and watched them slip helplessly out of my reach

most of them i easily let go
some of them i tried to hold on to,
like the ones when i was laughing and loving some people
and they were loving me and enjoying good times,
but they escaped me anyway

i stared out the kitchen hutch,
through its window
outside was bathed in sunlight
the light had risen out of what was left of the dark night

i saw the flowers there for me
they were bright pink,
they wore lavender and the yellows and oranges of a wild mix
i felt their purity,
i tasted their beauty
i felt the presence of the Lord
and a bit of his joy

i cannot recover the day,
the night i could care less
the darkness can go back from where it came
let it take every dark thing with it back to the pit

the bird outside on a branch somewhere chirps a song
its voice makes me think of eternity
and of the joy i cannot always have to keep and never lose
i know what joy is, i've felt it
i've gotten used to doing with little of it
i know the day will come,
we'll never lose it,
but now is now in the meantime
the suffering goes on relentlessly

my grief drips from my tired brow
i'm lifted up and let dropped down
i'm used to it
it's a good idea to not take it for granted
as in: death and taxes are a sure thing . . .
you know, things of that nature

my soul was ransacked last night by a demon spirit
i remember bits of it enough
its filthy memory still lingers
in the vague periphery of my vexed mind
it doesn't bother me all that much
'cause i know about the so called paranormal,
i know we don't just wrestle with flesh and blood,
but also,
we fight against invisible evil entities who play with us all the time
their game is hate
people are tossed to and fro by it

it assaulted my helpless state in mockery,
while i was in deep REM's
its aim is to inflict pain
they're all over the earth
free to roam
they've been around for a long time
they're experienced and highly intelligent
there's many kinds and ranks of them
led by a powerful leader called satan
they love it when us humans think they're myth
the Lord is my shepherd,
he keeps me stable,
my shield

i considered writing about the twittering,
the flickering, green leaves just outside the window,
fluttering by their lime green stems
their transluscent color makes me drink with my thirsty eyes
they're radiant as beauty divine,
but i resist the urge to keep looking mesmerized
i choose to dispel the splendor

i choose to yield to the fatigue and grief,
because i cannot hold the everlasting,
kind of selfish,
but it's based on a kind self preservation,
so i'll sulk and pout a bit,
so i won't be caught off guard, so to speak
i know, somewhat illogical and lacking some in faith,
cut my nose off to spite my face sort of thing,
but it is what it is, for me
to each their own,
anyway the King of Glory says he loves me,
i'm just a kid like all of us
no matter our age
he understands,
he's been through it all
even hung on a cross for it

my view of beauty is short
i cannot keep it in my grip
because the noise outside always bursts
through its iron door uninvited,
but he rose from the dead
and he's coming back a lion
to make it all right again

the noise outside barges in like a bully rape
it smacks me right in the face,
that makes me think of the demons that plague us all

gravity allies itself with rust and dust and torpor
in league with news from near and far,
that daily threatens perpetually,
uninvited like the taunting bully rape that it is
it threatens all that i hold dear

the flowers fade from my view
i regret the yield i concede to the morning's face
she tricked me again with her loveliness and her light
only to remind me of the fast coming night,
by the fast moving shadows
of the fast moving sun,
whose burning rays begin to wilt my rueful gaze