toil

i can go anywhere i want to
everywhere i went today i wandered
i pondered, trapped in a dangerous world
of infinite realities
caught in a world of mystique 
intrigue and pain

sometimes you stumble into the thick of it
sometimes you fall into bliss
like when you find yourself near a lake pristine
away from the maddening drive
of human stampeding feet
and ruthless turning engines and their wheels
at the ready to crush your heart and soul
and not even blink

sometimes you come ever so close to the razor's edge of oblivion
like when you suffer a near miss of someone trying to hit you
literally and figuratively,
inadvertently or otherwise, 
like as in premeditated 
like when some one wants a piece of you
with or without the anger or emotional baggage
like when they want a free ride
and all you're doing is struggling
trying to survive 
just like everyone else

i can go anywhere i want to
everywhere i went today i wandered
i pondered, 
trapped in a dangerous world
of infinite realities
and yet i'm trapped on this sphere
no escape,
just a speck of the whole
and i'm not in control
all can do is go along with the ride
sometimes i don't feel i'm in it inside
an involuntary passenger, on the outside,
just enduring like most everyone else
pushed and shoved by the crowd
a lonely passerby taking all the punches the world has to offer
an empty bag for the sucker punches
waiting for the final hour

i can go anywhere i want to
everywhere i went today i wandered
i pondered, trapped in a dangerous world of infinite realities

i can go anywhere i want to but in the greater scheme of things
there's no pot of gold waiting there or anywhere for me
if i searched for it someone would be there at the end
ready to take it from me
or else extort it from me
or else flat out kill me for it

i can go anywhere i choose today
i think i'll go back to my bedroom
curl up in a ball,
sleep til morning in my state of mind
and try to get up on the right side of the bed
in another reality
another state of mind
and if that doesn't work
i'll lose myself in hard labor instead
i'll purge myself at the end of a shovel 
i'll dig and stomp til my hand and feet hurt
i'll repeat the dosage til i'm bathed in sweat 
i'll keep it up til i fall from exhaustion
i'll keep it up til i cannot think so much
i'll keep it up til i cannot feel