even to this day more than enough, 
years have passed,
to know what i think i know,
that all of us thought we knew,
but chose to shun the answers 
blowing in the wind of the spirit

have you ever wished to sleep in Eternal peace?
to never be bothered again,
while simultaneously knowing, 
that you want to be there 
despite feeling impotent and jaded?

so you can come to the aid of others, 
as you would them to yours? 

such is the case of awareness,
the fight despite the overwhelming odds of defeat
not retreat
even in suffering

though you see minuscule odds of winning 
you strive on, past the dark
you try to run 
you hide,
but in the end you let,
You be found,
You let,
You be used

if you ever wanted an eternal sleep 
to never to again awake, 
no memory, or conscience left,
to,
would not have been, 
nor did you care what was,
or is to come, 
even if there would be great rewards of wealth
or fame, or just simple peace
even threat,
to be left
Alone

even if there would be, 
no thing to take away
no regrets,
no feelings,
just nothing

no thought of void,
would you then gladly give it away 
to never awaken 
let it go,
never awaken again
just eternal, 
just not Be, 
never remember of what remember is
an eternal sleep?

better you think, 
to never have seen the light of day,
the feel of feel
the utter of nothing . . .
perhaps because your mind and faith 
does not allow 
such a thing as null

and yet to the one who made me 
and you
and them 
and everything we know and feel,
way past my need to know
i yield

the one who demands,
oh man, can the vessel say to its maker 
what is it that you do to me?

and such as when
i find myself in these mental straits,
for i believe and breathe those words as His, 
even when i suffocate
and on the brink of wanting death
it's not Him,
it's the world

when it's not easy to submit, 
waiting for Eternal repair,
i ask, 
"Oh God, what is Man 
that your are Mindful of him?"
. . . that you cannot leave him alone?