lookin' for thing called love

i looked up at the full moon, 
i looked for love there
an' saw dark stains
maybe ancient seas, now dry,
i saw no love there, 
i felt none, only desolation 
i felt no love on her bright face, 
only loneliness 

i looked for love toward the stars that dotted sky of night
an' i  felt vast emptiness there,
i felt cold air an' the sterile glare of those distant lights,
burning orbs majestic, but,
no love there

i looked below the jagged, moon bathed horizon, 
through the tops of trees, past rooftops an' distant hills,
i looked for love there
an' felt just the empty silver colors and shadows, 
i felt the cold of these, 
i felt the greys and blacks in the night, 
like a heart attack,
like the panicked feel when you can't get up for air 
sunk below the water weight of the salty sea

i looked for love in the arms of many
and felt want,
i felt want of my own
not enough,
unfulfilled
i felt the need for more and more
unsatisfied

i looked for love in the faces of hundreds
all i sensed was they felt the same as i
the want for more and more
not enough
never enough

i looked for love in words of them
and others
and in my own
and though i wrote words of love in poems
i felt the emptiness of the cold,
still looking for love 
the kind that would forever stay
not the kind that fleeting comes
in an instant gone
and rare to come again

i thrive on love
if and when it comes
i've learned to be strong without it
that's when i use the the ploys of mind,
my mind over matter,
over my feelings  weak, exposed and vulnerable
i use this tact to withstand attack of the inevitable
the coming devastation of shattered nerves and broken heart
made faux strong by a hardened heart
a heart made to deflect the bullets and the arrows
by a willed made shield
otherwise this heart would further break
by those who trample upon the pearls that roll
out of the mouth of babes of innocence and those naive in trust

i looked for love upon the earth
and mostly found war and hate 
disguised by lies, some white, 
mostly though, those of darkest dark
me, not entirely immune

i looked for love and found it in the eyes of the helpless
i found it in the eyes of those who gave of themselves to help others
i found love in those who forgot themselves by their own decision
to help others without condition or hope for a favor returned
i found love in the one in ten million or so,
who stepped in, 
who was willing to take a bullet for me