final moments

my wife cried at my gurney's side today

i sensed immediately why

40 years of marriage will do that

she saw me lying there in patient's garb

a thin threaded gown of sorts

the kind that shows your bare a*s

and hospital socks,

the cool ones with upraised rubbery treads for soles

the ones my daughter doth love and steal 

when i'm looking around unawares, 

my wife cried as i suspected the reason, 

i proposed to her at that moment,

". . . you're seeing me vulnerable and symbolically weak

projecting to the future when i'm in worse state,

or lying in death's repose in a casket of wood?"

she acknowledged that yes,

as she sat close across,

watery eyes that did not quite tear

for i interjected with words further of life,

and philosophically added pertaining to past,

how young we were and how quickly fast

the years did fly by

and with further projection i volunteered more, 

as she listened intently my introspection

saying that the next 20 or so,

would go just as fast, 

that nothing doth last

let's enjoy what we have 

and endeavor for more,

to cherish as well, 

somehow stretch the time 

to further make last

at that her tears fell, 

now droplets down her pale soft cheeks

i said, "it's unpleasant,

this, our subject at hand,

but rather i'd do it now,

i hope you too understand,

we may as well talk about it some here,

than wait for the end without time opportune

and rue a regret for not having done so,

to partake of the awkward, yet simple hard truth

that upon this unheavenly, unpredictable earth,

we must deal with things that often brings worse,

for to not accept them would be like dying of thirst,

while sitting by spring of purest water to drink"

she kissed me away to my check-in with nurse

i thought for a moment, 

could be our last soft touch before death's curse,

as i wheeled away on the gurney's hard steel

such felt my heart towards this raw deal

this deal that all who now live in this reality called the world,

must, and will die,

nothing in our power can prevent our demise, 

except accept

rage against reality or truth and you'll only frustrate 

yourself to distress

persist and the danger is anger toward God,

acquiesce and submit to the faith He provides,

you will live in a different state kind of way,

for you'll know it's not blind,

it's just another dimension he provides,

in the world, but not of it,

another reality not seen with regular eyes

another life is waiting that follows 

this sordid, unkind and harsh kind of way

have faith and patience and let the Shepard befriend you

and he will in the end lead you

to waters of everlasting life and into his kingdom

carried by his ministers of flaming fire called angels, 

to his kingdom of peace where there is no fear

and the sting of death know more over us

let the scoffer scoff, 

let the evolutionist who believes in life's so called origin,

let him slurp primordial soup

along with ancestral apes

such an insult it is to the creator so said

to acknowledge the beasts

in place of having design that is divine,

in the image of God was man thus made,

complete with intelligence for light of his word

with abilities manifold to feel for to think,

to make good decisions, in freedom decide

whether to well do or to evil incline

in the wake of nonchalance toward God

belief is of essence, the life, he's thee source

without which death is sure

life, the observable or invisible, replete for to see

far from our ability to full comprehend, 

to enumerate or elucidate clear, 

marvelous complexities like the guts of a cell

inconceivable structures micro and macro,

atoms quarks - those subatomic, 

those at the threshold of matter to spirit

immense suns and oodles of worlds

those at the threshold of mega galactic, 

ominous ponderous dark matter's staggering 

concepts prodigious, our feeble grasps

yet simple to hold the lamb of the king

for those who have eyes,

especially you who have pondered 

with open eyes of a child, 

wise beyond the wisest of men, 

secrets revealed by he who spoke, 

commanded it so,

to let him save you

save you beyond the grasp of philosophers 

who spin webs of thought and words, 

beyond theories metaphysical fun

forever spinning arriving at none

arriving concluding ethereal toys,

those that seem sound with surreal proofs

and vacuous voids vexing the mind

twisting and grilling and killing the psyche 

gentle gymnastics, in carpeted rooms, 

electronic ambients, air perfectly balanced 

but in the final end, futile portend, 

wheeled away on the gurney's hard steel

such felt my heart in this raw deal

all who now live in this reality called world,

must, and will die,

nothing in our power can prevent our demise

'cept faith in the shepard, friend of man

blessed jesus, the christ 

in the end lead you if willing,

to waters of  life eternal into his kingdom

carried by angels flaming of fire

to his kingdom of peace, 

where there is no fear

where the sting of death is known,

no more over us