i'm just fine, thanks

i'm fine, no really
i'm fine but my mind is failing,
my heart is freezing,
i'm fine though my heart is hard like ice
broken brittle by beatings with iron bars

i'm fine, no really
fine like a fine edged blade that cuts
cuts the cuts on top of cuts

i'm fine enough to know that pain is real
i'm fine enough to know that if i told you
the real way i really feel,
you'd freak out,
you wouldn't want to finish hearing what i have to say
you'd feel awkward,
not know how to hear
know not how to react
know not how to reach
you'd move on to another subject
you'd say you were fine too,
or you'd say, "it's all good,"
deny your real mood,
or if you've suffered worse
you'd understand

i'm fine, no really,
fine enough to know there is no such thing as fine
things aren't fine as long as i know that someone,
somewhere, . . .
this i'm sure is true,
is going through hell somewhere, somehow . . .

i can't carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
but i sometimes do, 
sometimes i try

there's no way i could really be fine
unless maybe i know ignorance,
or maybe if i know that i don't know ignorance
as in ignorance is bliss, . . .
no, ignorance is not bliss,
it's just not knowing
and if i don't know, i'm not fine
then maybe not
because i want to know
which makes me feel not so fine

i'm fine, no not really
i'm fine when i'm asleep, 
unless i wake and know,
that not everything in the world is fine,
which it isn't really fine at all
so, i'm not really fine

i'm fine . . . 
no, not really,
i'm just okay
and considering the troubles we all have,
being fine is as fine as, 
it is what it is