My dog is Uncanine

sometimes dogs convey messages, at least in my human imagination which under different circumstances could prove reality were the table turned

Why do you treat me like a dog?”
My dog asked.
“Because you are one!” I barked impatiently.
“I may be one to you, but i’d rather not be called one.”
“What would you prefer?” I asked.
“That you call me a gentleman, of the highest pedigree.”
“Well, you must prove your worth of suggested title,” I replied to my canine pooch.
“For instance?” He asked.
“For instance; what qualifies you as a gentleman?” I asked.
“Okay, for one I do not eat other’s digested, excreted food. I do not eat cat poop as do my so called friends.”
“Neither do I,” I replied, but that doesn’t make me a gentleman, I’m a human by birth.”
“How about this one Master?” My dog countered.
“I can walk the dog. Do I not herd dogs, including your sheep?”
“Yes you do, but that is precisely why you are a dog, among other reasons. Now, would you kindly fetch the newspaper?”
“I refuse Master, and by my refusal; my final bid to persuade you that I am not a dog. I am not a dog by virtue of fact that I have been speaking with you in the English vernacular for the past ten minutes’ dialogue. No dog would, nor is capable of such a feat!”
“True, true.” I responded exasperated. “And the worse part of it is that I have been willfully conversing with you myself!” “But if you do not fetch the paper, I will tether you in the dog kennel.”
And with that, my dog whined and barked and scratched at the door on all fours seeking release to fetch the morning’s paper. Upon returning from his duty, he laid out folds of newspaper and demanded, “Okay, now Master, sit, roll over, and after these tasks, do your business on the paper, and do not spill over the edges.”
I was so taken aback in amazement that I almost wet my pants. My dog grasped me by the collar with his canine teeth and pulled me to the door exclaiming, “Now, outside with you until you learn to respect the fact that for the past five years of our lives together, I have tolerated your remarks. The one expression you’ve overused and erroneously, I might add is: “I’ve come home and I’ve been working like a dog!” “Well, if you can say this and still claim to be human, then outside with you because you have treated me like a dog and will no longer stand for it!”
And with that final outburst of indignation, my dog cast me outside.