Return to me

. . . sometimes the pain of a missed love exceeds the pain of the relationship

i wish that i could have loved you more 
and now its too late, but alas,
again, again i shall not see you again,
the wretched truth assaults me to my face
high above the laurel’s leaves
our short time below
your spirit’s memory floats,
pigeons soft sound,
coos of your sweet memory
but flesh cannot touch spirit
because i miss you that much,
my soul stretches to reach,
to tear away from my body,
too late, to have held your hand
vague memory, too many years ago
once you were harsh to me
just out of spite
but then you covered me from the cold
with your bosom’s shawl,
i followed with you round the bend
like the fool i let myself be led
when i didn’t even deserve a goodbye
you disappeared; you never came back
you gave me no chance to say goodbye
in your eyes always distant plans,
always so far away
you wouldn’t share,
like on a mission
known to no one, only you
you allowed me your company
your love for me seemed
only for compassion’s sake
who could ever tame your beauty’s will
you let yourself be taken before your time
quite unfair to me,
you touched, you kissed
you gently endured,
but your mind
was always on distant plans
you captured me then offered no escape
though you knew i could not rest
in pursuing you, yet in vain
i suffered, you allowed me your company
you and i knew no one could ever catch you
i could not keep up with you
a million melodies will not erase
the love i have for you
for you my love, my heart
it wails, it sings, loud and pure
for you my love, my heart i give
honeysuckle sweet, candy apple lullabies,
poured over, touching my lips
as i fondly think of you
i softly now whisper your name
as the sun touches the western rim
toward its flat lonely, empty plain i look
i’ll not see you there again
it hurts to say, “i wish i’d never met you,”
but this lie only fills me with self disdain
and i will not yield to a coward’s end
better to suffer without you
than to never have met you
oh, to taste your breath
the nectar of your mouth,
only the rose bushes and sparrows hear me cry
as i softly whisper your name again
but they are no solace;
they will die and reappear again, and again
but you my love, are gone forever!