Bleeding Heart

To enter a contest, and a fun message inside.

Humans have Dignity, Pride, and Emotions.

Yet we chose not to use these tools of commotion.

Clouded by the rules of society.

Graveling to the ground,

Asking mercy from our peers.

As they resound,

“We are losers to our own hearing.”

There are no battles to be won.

Only fights to be saved from.

Scares are stashed in our hearts.

Leaving a trail of blood to be found.

Only the hurt can know this pain.

Waving around a card of free gain.

For all of the crap they had at glance.

What returned to them was more than one could fathom.

A chance to sympathize.

Humanity is a cure.

Wishing for more than a simple change.

Open up your hands and close your eyes.

Either death or a lovely surprise,

Will fill your empty lives.

Reviews

[...]

It's a good message but some of the rhymes feel forced and you could do with a proof read. You lost me at 'the the'. Sorry.

[Egonarc]

I don't see "the the" anywhere...

[...]

4th line

Graveling to the the ground,

[Egonarc]

thanks couldn't see that

[Kitty Kirkpatrick]

So this one of your lovely poems is the first one I have read and I loved it. I'll read all of the other ones soon! Promise. I love your poems, so I will read the others. I can't wait to read the other poems!

[Egonarc]

thanks ^-^ I try really hard in my work~!
it's nice to be told this time to time.
Thanks again!

[Kitty Kirkpatrick]

You are so very welcome! I can tell you work hard and it is great. I hope to get around to reading all of your writing segments. :)

[Trishia De Leon]

Totally great! I really love the idea of this poem. I hope everyone can read this and relate themselves.

[Not Active]

This is a very intense poem. I'm getting a lot of deep emotion from it, but I'm not grasping what emotion that exactly is; as an author that will either make or break you. There are some grammatical errors. Your structure and syntax could use some work. I think you have a good thing going here. Just read it over to yourself and try to correct anything you think might be an error. Other than that, well done.