Contest to Death

How the death impacts your own being including when family is involved.

There was another contest coming up. Testing one's skill and to show everyone what you can do; whether, you're just able to or love to play the violin. My sister and I would always enter every year. When we were kids it was all fun and games. But, now I know I can’t ever beat her and will remain in her shadows of second place. As my heart grew cold, I started to forget all of the good memories. They were washed up and replaced with the jealousy in my soul that I had for her.
Now, as I am smile over my own sister's corpse, just like a fool laughing at a joke. Our blood collides and I am not a hundred percent sure if this is reality.
Somewhat wishing I had died instead. That way I could stop all of the hurting that people around me and myself were experiencing. Yet, the pain I felt was worse than anyone else's. No one wanted her dead but me. I was forgotten for no one to notice. Then sudden the death brought me into the light. From all of this, the feeling I have is “wrong.” This off feeling that nothing can be real. I didn’t want to win this way. Moreover I had not won. I can smile so easily and I can cry just as hard. Happy splurged with sadness; she was the only one to think of me as a challenge. The only one to see me for me. Yet, it seemed that she took everyone I cared for, away.
As time went on my name changed to fit my sister’s shoes. Hatred grew towards my own mother, I once adored. Seeing her torn up like this and looking so empty. Not looking at me but through. For all she could see was my dead sister’s view. My mother was dragging me down into the depths of the sea. This unforgettable feeling of a dream and how far I was drowning. I couldn’t escape.  My life wasn’t in my hands.
“Shall I end this? Should it finally stop?” Everything was as if my sister was still alive. Maybe, it is as if I had died instead. My last thought right before I “Took A Swim” was this,
“It's time to become one and meet again as myself.”