Prologue

STONE

 

Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere

 

 

To offend a low person is like throwing a stone in the mud and getting splashed.

 

Inayat Khan

Indian musician, writer, philosopher 1882-1927

           

 

PROLOGUE

 

 

 

 

 

            The old man looked with glazed eyes in front of him. He was dressed in a simple but solid green velvet knickerbockers and a brown leather vest decorated with brocade on the neck and arms. On his feet, he had half-length boots which were on first sight very old, but still not worn out. Below the vest, there was a stylish white shirt with on the collar, two red letters embroidered: C.S.

            The hair of the man they called Conrad Stone, was white and thinned out by the years. You could also count his old age in the countless wrinkles of his weathered face. The brown color of skin was grayish now, but it witnessed of a long life out-of-doors under a scorching sun.

            At his waist, he carried a sword with an impressive hilt. Gold and silver were woven over the handle and the middle of it displayed a big gemstone which reflected the scarce light of the candles in the colors of the rainbow.         

            He knew his time had come. He had the privilege of enjoying many years for better and for worse. King Conrad couldn’t complain. He had stayed healthy for the greater part of his life. He had also been blessed with many friendships and a good woman.

            Five years ago, he lost his life companion, Lady Liliane. A short and callous disease took her from him. Alas, she had not given him a child. Now he felt as a lonely person without her, a broken old man who would be glad if death would take him too, the sooner and the better.

            Not that he was sick. Not at all, but his life was tied to the prophecies. He had lived well, but he wouldn’t escape his destiny. King Conrad thought about the century-old words the prophet Diana ever had written.

 

            The tenth of the King Dynasty who shall live in the age of the Dragons will be a good king and he will be loved and praised by his subjects. Richness and health will accrue to him. A tender and loyal woman will accompany this king during his life and make him happy. All this the king will possess, but his wife will not bring forth an heir to the throne in his life. She will proceed him to death and he will follow her after five years of sorrow.

 

 

            As King Conrad grew older and being the tenth in the Stone line, he started to believe more and more in the prophecy. Being a young prince, the prophecies were grafted onto him. Nonetheless, his teachers and the Masters had pointed at the inevitability of the outcome of those words, he didn’t really believe these prophecies as a young man. Alas, as predicted there came no heir, despite the efforts he and his wife were making.

            His wife had passed away five years ago. Would the prophecy become true in full? He almost hoped it, because then he would be united with his sweet Liliane. On the other hand, he left his kingdom without a successor. It was painful to know there wasn’t a good follow up with his family.

            The law required if there were no descendants in the line of the king, there would be chosen by the first born children of an older brother or sister of the king. If they had no children, with the next in the dynasty of the Stone family. If the successor was not of age, his father or mother would take the reign till the heir-apparent became of age. In case there were no successors to these persons, the oldest nephew or cousin would take over the sceptre. In this way, there would always be a young pretender to the throne instead of an older one who could die shortly by old age.

            Unfortunately, the next in line was the oldest and grown-up son of his brother Harald. Regrettably, he was a good-for-nothing and an inveterate womanizer. He also had a lot of friends and sympathizers in the Brotherhood of the Black Wizards, a society of sorcerers who weren’t very popular among the inhabitants of the nation. Charles Stone was not made of the material that served to make kings or rulers. The king had complete contempt for the oldest child of his brother Harald.

            Conrad knew what the Black Wizards were capable of. He had, seized by despair and sorrow, turned to them too. They told him they could help him, to let him talk to Lady Liliane beyond the limits of death. He just had to give them some of his blood and a string of hair or a tooth of his late wife. King Conrad suspected he would do more harm than good and Liliane would have disapproved any manner to cheat on death. So he declined them though in his heart he felt the pain because he would never see or hear his beloved wife. Conrad wouldn’t indulge in the sneaky ways of this dubious Brotherhood of the Black Wizards.

            He rotated the Kings Ring around his finger. King Conrad had received it from his father Bartelomeus when he ascended the throne. It was a just a gem, not really pretty. The ring was connected with the throne as now other pageantry and right on the kinghood. With a sigh, he removed him from his index finger and with a loaded pace he hurried to the castle well which servants used to fetch fresh water. It was the only way he knew to secure the future of his kingdom. A calculated risk to deny the throne to Charles. Without the ring, no lawful King, so it was written in the laws. Maybe the surroundings of the pretender to the throne would find something to avoid this and even take the power, but the people also had the power and knew the laws as well as the nobility. Even if it was only on paper, the Council of the People had to approve when the successor wasn’t the son of King Conrad.

            Arrived at the well, the old king took a deep breath. With a weary gesture, he let fall the little jewel in the well. The underground river would carry him away. He hoped far, so far that nobody of his family would find it. If someone, other than the rightful pretender found him, even then he would not be able to carry him on his finger. It was common knowledge that someone who didn’t fit the title of King would be subjected to a heavy allergy. The hand would color red and it would itch, far more than a healing burning wound. Eventually, the allergy would spread over the whole body of this person.        

            Conrad knew of another prophecy in the books of the prophet Diana and hoped this would also come true as the one about his kingdom.

 

 

 

The ring will search his bearer outside the family. He or she who has the right to shove him around his finger will be able to wear him on his hand without pain and discomfort. The ring will find his King, even if he is on the other side of this world.

           

Above all King Conrad now believed in the prophecies. It was his only hope. With a last effort, he mounted the many stairs of the castle on the way to his chamber and his bed, where he would take a rest.

            Wish and prophecy became true. King Conrad Stone didn’t wake up anymore.

 

© Rudi J.P Lejaeghere 08/12/2014

 

 

Reviews

[A Ghost of Myself]

Hey, Rudi sorry for my late arrival. You begin your story with character description; this is something you should avoid at least at the start. Your opening should present a question to the reader (a bit of foreshadowing of what’s to come) or jump straight into the story. I would begin the story, “He knew his time (had) come.” This presents a question to the reader? Why had his time come? How does he know this? It gives a reader a reason to continue to the next line to answer these questions.

He knew his time (has) (had) come. He had the privilege (of) enjoying many years. (for better and for worse.) King Conrad couldn’t complain. (Luckily) he had stayed (quite) healthy for the greater part of his (live) (life). (It was) (He had) or (he’d) been blessed with many friendships and a good woman.

An example of a re-write

King Conrad knew his time had come. He couldn’t complain. He had the privilege of enjoying many years. He had stayed healthy for the greater part of his life. He had also been blessed with many friendships and a good woman.

(Mind you this is just a suggestion)

A short and callously disease took her away from him.

A short and callous disease took her from him.

I like this story it has everything from prophesy, to a noble linage, with the exception of the future heir of course.

I have a few recommendations.

*The biggest issue I see in this is not story, but narration. You give a lot of back story, but not from behind King Conrad’s eyes. I would suggest writing this from King Conrad’s POV, but you could do it from the omniscient narrator also, but you run the risk of ‘telling’ the story rather than ‘showing’ it.

* Second note is minor, omit needless words. Go through your sentence and see where words can be removed or supplemented but keep the meaning of your sentence.

* And the last is minor but often overlooked. Make your character the focus of the sentence, the subject comes first. Instead of ‘Running as fast as he could,” Write, “He ran as fast as he could.” ‘He’ being you subject, the one performing the action.
I hope this helps.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you, Jack, for taking time to look at my story. I see you would use the King Conrads POV to tell te story. I've chosen to begin with the death of the King to emphasize the importance of the ring and his characteristics. There will not be a King without the ring. I don't have the whole story in my mind yet but I know the story will cover adventures in all the departments of his kingdom. A sort of quest will follow, searching for the ring and the rightful carrier. So, that's why I've chosen for the 'omniscient narrator'. I will keep in mind your remarks and trying to show rather then telling te story. I guess the first chapter is different in style. If you have time I would be honoured if you looked at it and if that's more what you like to see.
I've copied all your remarks in a document, so that I eventually can rewrite the story. Again, many thanks for reviewing this text, it's very appreciated, after all there's always the issue that English is not my native language and it's impossible to think in English, how good or bad my practice in this language may be. :) Rudi

[A Ghost of Myself]

I read this over again last night and I can see where an omniscient narrator could be beneficial. I wasn’t aware English wasn’t your native tongue, sorry for the ignorance. I do have to say, I’ve read lot writers on this site who are learning the language, and you by far have a better grasp than most. I will move forward to the next chapter, but it may not be until later tonight.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you, Jack, for your kind comment. Don't hurry, I know you have probably a lot of requests. For the moment I'm busy with so much ideas. I'm afraid I will loose them so I'm writing as my life depends on it, I guess. I do hope this is not the case however. Good evening (here in Belgium 21h30) :) Rudi

[A Ghost of Myself]

Working late, the best time to let the creative mind flow. Best to get them out before they dissipate, lost forever. Good Luck.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you, Jack. :) Rudi

[Delmar Cooper]

I read the comments of "A Ghost of Myself", and I agree with them. The only thing I might add is that the reader is invested with a great deal of empathy in a man who dies in the last sentence.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you for the review. I know what you mean. I once had the same with a film where a fine person died in one of the first scenes, it was a shame but it was the best films I've ever have seen. Not to say that this will be one of the best stories you ever will read, certainly not, but this prologue gives the start for a lot of adventures and a quest in search for the ring and a successor. :) Rudi

[Confuser]

I enjoyed it Rudi. Really didn't want it to end. Was waiting to see who would find the ring. I will say, got a little confused (not uncommon with me) at the paragraph about the well & ring (believe it says him)? Anyway, thought he was going down the river for a moment and then I re-read. You are very good with short stories. Maybe some sentences could be better put together, so the eye doesn't stop so much; Also, I wondered how you could put the newphew's name in before the brothers when you spoke of heirs. If that makes sense. I truly loved your story. Thank you Rudi.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you Dale, it's the firs raw form of the story I've translated the prologue, so there maybe still a few things I've to change still. I've already written a five chapters of this story. Hope to find time to translate it all in a reasonable time. :) Rudi

[Confuser]

It's very good and so glad there's more coming........Loved the King.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

The proverb is : The King is dead, long live the King...but in this case there will be a problem I suspect. :) Rudi

[Confuser]

I do too, but that's alright, certain it will still be interesting!

[Sanjh]

Very interesting Rudi, it would be great if you will complete it. It's flowing very smoothely, and the narration is beautiful...
thank you for sharing...:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you Sanjh. I've already written a few chapters (in Dutch of course) and it's a try to look if it is interesting enough. Will certainly translate the chapters I've already written. :) Rudi

[Sanjh]

That would be great Rudi. I'll be waiting for the next chapters...:)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

thank you Sanjh :) Rudi

[Laura Lynn]

This is a very interesting story. There is something rather painful and terrible about it, but not without order and a proper setting.

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Thank you, Laura, for taking time to read my story. Glad you liked it. :) Rudi