Shores Shed the Last Withdraw

Shores shed the last withdraw,
Of waves, ways won abroad.
But lost, lean; though lazy-low..
Hunting weary lovers in woe.
Weak whims shadow the gloomy gale,
That underneath the water't rails.
Fathoms there, them dark and dead,
Breathless they lie, bubbling up ahead;
Pure production, of a heart once dismissed.
The fumes of lead, float up atop.

Author's Note

Any instructive criticism would be more than welcome..

Reviews

[nathan]

I'm a big fan of alliteration, so I say crank it up to 11 if you can :) This makes me think of lost memories or forgotten thoughts, in any case it has a very solemn, dark, wet feel to it. I wouldn't mind a bit of sunlight, either at the beginning to make the darkness sharper, or the end to help dry me off.

[Rubick]

Glad u liked it!
Yup, alliteration is something relatively unique, which I -in so many ways- am fond of too!
Well, as you may know, sometimes this kind of stuff comes out from who knows where.. that even the writer him/herself may find it queer when he/she take a second look at it.. like for God's sake where did all this come from. Ironic isn't it?! And so when one tries to elaborate in it, he/she may find it hard.. if u know what I mean.
Anyway, I do appreciate your view there. There's method in't. Oh, and I'm looking forward to see what intellectual flashs u may come up with next. CHEERS !

[Sami Khalil]

Unique and different. Keep it up.

[Rubick]

Thanx for your regards

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. Any time.