Unrelated 2

Once upon a time there was a bear named Joe who loved avocados. He ate guacamole all the time and his favorite color was green. He wore green shorts, and his best friend was a rabbit named Bob. Bob's favorite color was yellow and his favorite food was pie. One day they met an evil Raven who blocked their path on the way to the grocery store. The event was rather strange to them for they had never seen a raven like this one before. Its shining black wings positively glowed with hatred as it stood in the way of the family. They inched forwards, throwing acorns at the putrid avian in futile attempts to remove it from their path, to no avail. They sighed and looked at the thing utterly confused as to why it would not budge. Obviously someone put it there to stop their journey from continuing. Why was this? Who had done such a thing and what would this accomplish? No one had any idea why this was happening to them. One man looked to the other and asked

 "What do you think it will take to move this?"

 "Well," One man said. "It will take an army of pygmy velociraptors to move this s**t."

The other man cocked his eyebrows and tilted his head.

 "They've been dead for thousands of millions of years!!"

The man who said the army tilted his head

 "You're purble and bule." Bad LSD I guess.

 "NO, it was crack actually"

 "Oh, well then, your screwed." And indeed she was. She began to have a seizure, but before she could die from that, a bunch of ewoks came out of nowhere and beat her to death. Santa was displeased and gave them all coal. The ewoks were mad and they ripped Santa limb from limb until he died. Then they all rejoiced because they now had enough food to last a whole year for the entire village.

Author's Note

This segment was not trying to be mean about those who have seizures. My brother went through that once, and I hope it doesn't happen again.