chaos of bus writing

A Poem by Rose

a series of rambles written on public transport

I watched the crows

Pick at the dirt searching for food
I wondered what they worry about
Do they think about what could happen if…

Maybe they only think of food as survival
The risk of dying may be the last thing on their minds
Do they worry about the future
The past
Life and all its wonders
And pain and suffering and anguish
That I feel
Maybe they can only think about survival
A power I desire to possess
To be emotionless

…..

These Bones Of Hers
It is too much to carry
These bones
These heavy thoughts
Scratching my insides, tearing me apart

breathing cannot calm them down

Only distractions
A replacement, another world
I’ve never felt so consumed

…..

Take note there’s still a hole in your heart

The pain from the past can creep back
Repeating its sequence
Habits, thoughts ,actions
Falling back into that world you worked so hard to get out of
Making it desirable and tempting
But your body knows this too well
And it won’t cope now
It can’t take the starvation, the vomiting

The dizziness, the anxiety around food
Macros, nutrients, and calories
Racing through every part of you
Fears of fats, carbs, sugar and oils
Fears of food combining & eating for purity

…..

I say I am fine
I’m going well
But it’s a secret we know too well

……

The way I held the knife

That’s why I shall leave
It’s too cold here in my bones
I’d rather be engulfed in flames to warm my bones

There is a cracking
A downfall
An agony
Up and down I go
Spin me around the ferris wheel

I was only trying to teach you all the ropes and turns
But I never could communicate
So I’ll jump in the sea salt water and you’ll see

You’ll never find the keys to me
Set sail and return with nothing
Get lost at sea
Let the mother of sea overtake you
Caress her wildness
Her beautiful waves crashing higher and higher than ever before

……