Fall Asleep, Sweet Child

This poem is about the effects war has on children

 Look into my eyes, sweetheart, the endless sea of green

Ignore the fires bright, sweetheart, don't see this dreadful scene

Don't hear the thunder rolling, just listen to my voice

And let my shaky melody drown out surrounding noise

Fold into my arms, my dear, you don't have to be strong

Don't be afraid to cry, my dear, you've held it in too long

My arms protect you from their screams that have vanished in the night

My warmth defends you from the cold, and shall 'till morning light

Dream of only peace tonight, forget about this war

Escape this Hell for a little while, flee from this blood and gore

Fall asleep one last time, engulfed in my embrace

And when you wake you'll see them again

Waiting by the pearly gates

Author's Note

I wanted to make this longer, but I'm not sure if I should. Suggestions?

Reviews

[s.r.knight]

This was so poignant! I really dig that you differed your structure in the last stanza, it really emphasizes the pearly gates and the significance of the destination. I really don't think that you need to make this longer because it packs so much power in such a small space, and that is very valuable. However, if you want to make it longer just because you want to, then maybe try describing further the manner in which this person is dying and how they got there.

Lovely piece!

[Rose Diamond]

Thank you so much! I think I'm going to keep it at this length :)

[emipoemi]

This is O-M-G Fantastic with a capital F! (and I mean double the awe!!). The story is so deep, and really tugs at the heart and soul. It's also quite mystical in the atmosphere that it conjures and leaves a lot to interpretation, particularly in the last stanza. It's only flaw is the occasional half/cheat rhymes, but the musicality is spot on, and the imagery is so powerful, such a factor is rendered null. Brill-iant! Well done!

[SonOfPlunder]

I would keep this as it is. I thoroughly enjoyed it and i wouldn't change a thing. Very nice work

[Rose Diamond]

Thanks very much! :)

[Desiree B.]

In my opinion, I don't think you should make it any longer. It's very effective as it is (though that's just my take on the matter). Your poem has a lot of emotional value to it.

[Rose Diamond]

Thank you very much! I appreciate your input :)

[magenta24uk]

Very nice writing. I felt the pain and futile agony that the mother (I assume) must be feeling.
I was confused by the line "And when you wake you'll see them again" who again? Maybe me again? or did I miss understand the line? otherwise a brilliant piece.
I know a war poet and he would love this piece.

[Rose Diamond]

The poem is supposed to be about a young child losing people close to them. When I wrote it, I was picturing a child who lost their family, but because you are the reader, you can view it as then losing anyone close to them like friends or otherwise. Anyways, I'm very glad you liked it! :)

[Trevor Barnett]

A very nice write about the chronic despair and melancholy children go through when they're in the midst of war. This was an excellent read, and the length is just fine I think!

Suggestions for your coffeehouse poem, I'd go with this one, or Religion.

[Rose Diamond]

As always, your kind words are very appreciated! Thank you! Also, thanks for the suggestion, my friends have been no help in choosing which one to read, so it's nice to get some actual help :P