Masks

My mask is old and heavy

Intricately carved over the span of my life

Layer upon layer of paint hides all but the edges of the wood

And what a piece of wood it is

Dark and gnarled, no good for anything

But it is what I had to work with

Even now it is covered in rough edges

Splinters a constant risk when wearing it

But wear it I must

I can never take it off, especially when around others

While I wear it I can hide

While I wear it I am safe

I am proud of my mask

I am proud of what I made

It was not easy

Each line I carved felt like pulling away another piece of my soul

But look what I have to show for it

A bright and beaming smile

Always happy, never anything else

If I am happy then those around me are as well

Bright splashes of colour 

Can’t let them see what's underneath

Dazzle and distract

Hollow eyes, my one failing

Can’t fix it now

But I needed to be able to see

There’s no going back

Being blind was so much more comfortable

And when the mask slips?

That is terrifying

My world in freefall

If anyone ever saw, well

I hate to think

I don’t think they’d ever let me see the sun again

If they knew what was underneath

But on my own

Surrounded by silence

That comforting nothingness

Sometimes I slide it off

It is heavy to remove, it scrapes my skin raw

Underneath there I am

Mostly

There is still one last layer

Cold and hard like plastic

Melted to my skin

This is who I am underneath

This is the mask that I can’t take off

I don’t even know how

Does it count as a mask when it has become part of me?

Or maybe I am the mask

This one is light as a feather

I don’t feel it unless I go looking

I don’t show this too many people

They always try and peel it off

They say I will feel better

But I know the truth

Underneath I am raw

A piece of meat, a bleeding wound

If I take off this mask, I will never be the same

So I don’t

I leave it be

And all to soon, I put my wooden mask back on

My face I must present to the world

My masks, they keep me safe