War Zone

A poem with many meanings

Her name's invisible,

like the feelings you don't seem to notice.

Her favorite place is away,

away from your damaged home.

She's tripped and fallen,

over your roaring screams.

She's cried herself to silently to sleep,

but you wouldn't listen anyway.

She wants to leave the world,

but only yours.

She wants your world to change,

but no matter what she says,

you'll never change.

Because your world is a war zone,

that no one can resolve.

Reviews

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hm interesting piece. It can probably be taken a number of ways. But, to me, it feels more like, although genuine, you're being skittish and evasive more than being ambiguous to a point.

Sometimes I find myself too afraid to say something outright (whether blatant or a metaphor or as an allegory), and, as some of the best advice I ever heard from my poetry professor, "[When writing] If you don't make yourself uncomfortable, you're doing it wrong." Not to say ambiguity is bad (or that having a fun poem should make you uncomfortable), but you gotta leave something for the reader to grasp onto and ride throughout the piece otherwise the it is detached and separated from the reader; alien, unwelcoming, and unintelligible.

That is just my opinion, though, on the matter of ambiguity. I like to use it as well, and I know plenty who do as well, but just somethings to keep in mind.

Anywho, let's look at some smaller things.

I say capitalize "away" as in "Her favorite place is Away," It'd poetically/metaphorically imply it as an actual location.

"She's cried herself to silently to sleep,"

There are a couple mistakes here. Maybe switch it around to, "She's silently cried herself to sleep"?

And, actually, considering that line and the first line of the next stanza, "She wants your world to change," (which has a similar problem two lines further with "you'll never change.") never repeat words unless to a point (i.e. accent/stress/rule of three, thematic, to literally annoy, et al). The reader will notice these immediately and be brought out of the work.

But, that's my opinion and I am sure many other people would and will disagree. You are the artist, the poet, the only one with that idea in their mind, the only one capable of putting it into words. I am merely trying to help you better realize your vision.

Thanks for sharing. Please keep wring!