Domino City and a New Face

The story of how one ordinary human girl became immortal and more than a plain human. This chapter introduces the life of Rose and her family and how an old friend reappears after a while away.

Chapter 1: Domino City and a New Face

 

During a walk around the city, after the exams had all finished and the summer holidays had just begun. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping. Everyone was either outside relaxing, or just having fun and getting some fresh air. However, this day, Jynx had decided to - for fun as always - take control of Blare's mind and challenged Morgan to a duel. Morgan, although he may not seen like the kind of person to do so, always carried around a sword with him - the Tetsusaiga - and he had told Jynx and myself that he would only unsheathe it, if either of us was in danger.

 

All of us carried around our own special decks and our own personal duel disks. Three of us however, had three special cards in our decks that the others hadn't got - the three Egyptian God cards. Morgan had the Winged Dragon of Ra; Jynx had Slifer the Sky Dragon and I, myself, had Obelisk the Tormentor. All three of us had agreed that we would never put these cards into our decks if we were ever dueling family or friends - unless obviously, they wanted to duel us with our God cards as well.

 

This particular day however, Jynx had decided to use the deck that Blare used. "Use the Egyptian God card if you want. I don't mind facing it." She had said to Morgan. She was always an interesting person to duel - she could also be a bit... sneaky. Although, maybe that could have been because of her purple hair - which had blue highlights through it - and also, her luminescent, golden-coloured eyes.

"Only if you're sure, little sis?"

"Sure as I'll ever be. Just use it." Jynx for once, smirked a little, revealing her confidence in her dueling abilities - and somehow, Blare's deck. "I'll be fine. I'm wondering how your God card will fair against Blare's deck, since you two haven't really dueled each other yet."

"Whatever Jynx." Morgan grinned, he knew that Blare's deck would be powerless against his Egyptian God - Ra - but he, himself, was curious to see what cards Blare's deck consisted off.

 

Morgan was like any normal guy, when in human form that is. He was an average looking guy, with black hair but if you were really careful and looked closely enough, you would notice one thing about him that made him stand out from everyone else. His eyes. His eyes weren't a normal say, blue or green. No. His eyes were red.

 

As the duel began, I sensed a presence approaching us all. A presence that seemed to be a little bit... familiar to me. "Hey guys. Don't start just now."

All the others looked at me blankly. They knew I was able to sense things that were coming, that they couldn't. Although just as I was about to explain what it was - rather, who it was - that was coming, Tristan interrupted me. "Guys... Someone is coming and somehow he seems a little familiar to me." Tristan had the Millennium Necklace - it was the one to show him who was approaching us all and also the future.

 

Although, he would call it the Millennium Pendant, since he knew necklaces were more of a girl’s thing. Tristan was the shortest of us all and was always annoying everyone. He had brown hair and green eyes. Even though the Millennium Necklace had sensed someone coming, I had already sensed whoever it was that was coming, before the powers of the necklace had and I was happy about that. That always happened, whenever someone, or something was coming, I would sense them, before Tristan and the powers of the Millennium item. 

 

Blare and Paradox exchanged a glance between each other. Jynx at that point had undone the control she had over Blare's mind - hence why Blare was able to exchange a look with his brother, Paradox. "Who's coming?" Blare asked curiously.

"I believe it is an old friend of ours." I smiled.

Paradox at this point was starting to get just a bit annoyed with me. "Who the heck is it, Rose?!" he snapped.

"Calm down Paradox." Morgan said, slapping him over the back of the head, grinning. "She'll tell us all, when she's good and ready. Right sis?"

"Right big bro." I looked at Morgan - just as he slapped Paradox - and laughed. "It's our friend, Sparky." Just at the moment when I said his name, Sparky appeared beside me.

"Hey you lot. Long time no see." Sparky smiled, as he hugged me slightly.

 

Sparky was - if I'm not mistaken - part vampire and part angel. He was different just like the rest of us. His hair was black with just a few streaks of red in it and his eyes were an emerald green colour. I had somehow always felt that Sparky kinda.. liked me but somehow, I always thought that it couldn't be possible. A guy like him, completely different to me in every way possible, would like someone like me. Whenever I seemed to get into the tiniest amount of danger - and Morgan wasn't near - Sparky was always the one who would save me. I gradually began to think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe Sparky did have feelings for me. Although, my feelings were for someone else.

 

After a long talk with Sparky, finding out what he had been up to over the past few years and the duel between Jynx - using her mind control over Blare and Blare's deck - and Morgan (which Morgan won, thanks to his God card). We had all decided to head to the park and see what some of the others from the town were up to. Although, what we didn't expect was to run into a few familiar faces.

Author's Note

If there is anything that you think could be made better; grammar, spelling, ideas, etc. please feel free to leave your ideas and changes in comments please and I will take them into consideration and possible change it to what you suggest. This is not fully a Yu-Gi-Oh fanfiction, only parts of this are relating/based on Yu-Gi-Oh and I don't take any credit for those parts. Anything relating/based on any Manga/Anime, I don't take any credit regarding those things.

Reviews

[Masterkage]

I'll focus on the grammar first, for this one, since grammar/spelling is the most tedious part of any review. In my opinion, it is, at least.

A few of the sentences could be corrected to make the flow of the story better. For example, a chunk of the first paragraph was:

However, this day, Jynx had decided to - for fun as always - take control of Blare's mind and challenged Morgan to a duel. Morgan, although he may not seen like the kind of person to do so, always carried around a sword with him - the Tetsusaiga - and he had told Jynx and myself that he would only unsheathe it, if either of us was in danger.

A most structured of the same two sentences would look something like this:

Today, however, Jynx had decided to take control of Blare's mind and would challenge Morgan to a duel. Although he may not seem like the kind of person to do so, Morgan always carried a sword with him, and he had told Jynx and I that he'd unsheathe it is either of us were in any danger.

In your second paragraph, you substutited “three” for 3. I would advise against doing this in formal/professional writing.

I would also advise you describe your characters at the beginning of the story, as well, as you began describing Morgan fourth paragraph. I saw this purely for the betterment of the way the story would be would that organization.

I would avoid using copyrighted material in your own material that you intend on publishing. I am assuming this story is a Yu-gi-oh fan fiction, though, so it fine in this story.

All and all, it is quite well written for a Yu-gi-oh fanfic (the majority I've encountered were poorly written). Just improve that grammar/spelling organization. I'd read again. ;)

Cheers.

~Kage