My Love

This is a poem I tried to make, mostly for those people I love and care about you.

My love is like a flower

Blossoming in June

Everytime you are near

I hear a sweet, sweet tune.

 

My friends

My family

The ones I love until the end.

 

I hope you can forgive me

For the things I have done so wrong

I hope you can forgive me

As I sing my song.

 

A song I feel is useless

And can't tell you how I feel

A song that isn't true

And can't make me know what's real.

 

My feelings come from within my heart

That won't ever stop its beat.

That's why this poem is for you

My love, my sweet.

Author's Note

I hope this is okay, I'm not very good with the structure of things. If there is anything you think I can improve on, please let me know.

Reviews

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
The beginning of this was WONDERFUL, then you add the stanza, "A song I feel is useless," and it just got very depressing. Other than that I REALLY like it and I think it's an excellent entry into the world of emotive poetry.

As for your mood - hang in there. Sometimes all we need is to be surrounded by our friends and loved ones in order to feel alright again.

[Rose]

Thank you very much, I always doubted that my poems weren't any good, but now I know that if I can get my emotions across and others feeling the same things, then I'm able to do a good poem.

[dw817]

Unless they rhyme I seldom see poems. I see poetry that doesn't rhyme as telling a story in a unique dialect and interpretation - that's how I see them today.

[Jynx]

TT.TT make that three times in ten mins you've made me cry m. Very very good :)

[Jynx]

Also stop making me bloody cry

[Jynx]

Please

[Rose]

I'm sorry! But I can't help it if I make people cry with my poems, especially if some of them aren't really supposed to make people cry. Sowwy

[Jynx]

It's ok x3 just shows how good you are with words :)

[Rose]

Yeah, even though I don't think it

[Jynx]

Well it is

[Rose]

I know.

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

A nice write I must say but I've seen better works of yours.

Keep Writing :)

[Rose]

Thanks.

[Trigorin]

Not bad. You have a good concept and you execute it fairly well, but I'm not a fan of the ending - it seems somewhat cliche and done, and therefore is a bit of a disappointment compared to the rest of the poem.

[Rose]

I'm sorry, I've not really been good at writing poems before, I mostly try to focus on actual stories, but whenever I get down, or just need to express my feelings, I try get some poetry done, even if somethings within it are 'cliched'.

[Zombie Waffle]

This is full of clichés. Comparing love to a flower, to a song, to summer - it's all been done before, and much too regularly to be effective in any sense but satirical.

I'm not sure what you mean in the fourth stanza. You put a lot of emphasis on your 'song' but then tell us that it "isn't true", etc. You don't explain enough here to get any kind of meaningful response from the reader. I was left confused about what this song was, and wondered if you'd only mentioned it for the sake of a rhyme scheme.


And, as always, I'd recommend using punctuation in your poetry.

[Rose]

I've never been one to find places that the punctuation would fit in poetry, mostly because I don't write much poetry. The poetry I write is to mostly try express what I feel when I have nobody to talk with, or no-one who understands what I am feeling.

[Zombie Waffle]

Whatever you write, for whatever reason, still has to stick to basic rules of the English language.
It's fine to get feelings down but - as with most of your work - you don't spend enough time or effort on getting the details right. It's the details that make or break a piece.

[Rose]

Alright, thanks, I'll try detail some my work more from now on. :)

[Phoenix]

leave it the way it is

[Rose]

Alright, I will.