Harbor-Light Vigil

Submerged in the heat waves 

Of a long summer, an even longer 

June, I spell all my thoughts 

Backwards between shady lines 

On damp corners of newspapers--

Lonely on a bus stop bench

By the seawall.

You slip between the shadows 

Of the world when it stops moving

Past midnight on the boardwalk.

A misty figure I can't 

Conceptualize--

You're my brother.

We look nothing alike. 

The ocean tide retreats from 

The sandy shore, exhausted by

The pull of its own gravity

And always, always waiting to 

Be something deeper than shells 

Coral reefs, something terrifying--

And no one has to know 

What goes on in the abyssal dark. 

It occurs to none of us

That the past is completely over--

‘There's no going back.’

But we dream about it 

All the time we spend asleep

Rolling over in thick duvets 

Feverish for salty air and winds 

To catch a loose shirt 

And almost feel like flying.

We miss each other by moments 

Down piers, down trails, 

Down white cliff faces I recognize 

As pieces of you-- But I can't 

Conceptualize 

The world has kept moving on

From the harbor lights

Ships carrying the fog with them

And vanishing into the bay.

I wanted so badly to understand 

To anchor a fleeting notion

Before I saw you again but 

The tide is coming in--

I'm nothing like we used to look

I'm just your brother.

Reviews

[Gooddaydaily]

Still not sure if this is about me since your writing is quite vague (Still very good btw)


But I'm not trying to go back to before. I know there is no hope for that. Neither of us are the same people. I just want to close this chapter, and I can't without an ending. You may act like it's over and in the past but it's not over. This is still our present, and our future unless we clear the air about this. I want to know your side too. Not just in your writing where I can interpret so many different things, but how you really feel.

And if none of it is about me and I hold no relevance in your life and I'm really nothing to you but a creep, then tell me that, and I'll know it was always one sided and a game to you and that would be the closure I need as well. If this is about someone else it's not fair to leave me in the dark about that. Life is so hard for me already. I don't even want to live anymore, knowing what i am. And you continuing to toy with me for your own amusement isn't funny. It's not a power play. There are no winners in this.

I just want to know where I stand. If this is about me then obviously you're still hurting. If not, then the right thing to do would be to convey that to me. You know where all this stemmed from.

But we need to talk. You know that. You can block me a million times but there is no avoiding it. You and I NEED to talk. And I don't just miss you in passing moments. This is a constant for me. I wish you could understand. I don't know what else to do. I don't know any other way to deal with this.

This poem is very moving, and I relate to it a lot.