It's Not Okay

This is to you- My "friends" -and you know who you are. If you think to yourself "No. She is talking about so-and-so, not me." You're wrong.

Always with my friends

I am the lowest

The target of hurtful remarks

And I am expected

To smile my way through it all

I am supposed to laugh it off

And pretend it is nothing

I am expected to be the trash of the group

To be nothing to you

But if I am first to break down

You call me weak

You are the weak ones

Too insecure to realize that what you say about me

Is actually what you are afraid others will say about you

And I will take it

For you

But not because "that is what friends do"

Because it is not

Friends support and encourage

What you do it rip apart

Going for the throats of the supposed weak

No I do it because I have to

I do it because 

When I am first to break down

You will know why

It is because of your hurtful words

That you so carelessly toss around

Like they are nothing

Like I am nothing

Am I nothing to you

Am I just some object

A punching bag of sorts

Am I even a person in your eyes

Do you find it right to do this to a friend

Am I even a friend to you

Or do you just keep me around to insult

To keep the attention on you for one more minute

But even so

Because of you

I have thought about disappearing

I have thought about letting got of it all

Friends

Family

Life

And to my supposed closest friend 

I have told you all of this

And you just used it against me in our fights

Never have you given it a second thought

You say you will change

But you never do

You are the leader of them

And their hurtful words

Because of you

I will never be the same again

My heart never fully together

You say I have changed

But it is you who hasn't grown-up

Who hasn't yet realized that what you say

Is not okay

Just because I smile and laugh

Does not make it okay

Because of you 

I cry at night

Because of you

I am even more insecure than before

Because of you

I doubt myself with the simplest things

What you have done is not okay

You say you're sorry

But that doesn't make everything better

It makes it worse 

Because now you will start again

On your supposed clean slate

But I must tell you all

Before it begins again

No matter what you say

It will never be okay

Even now

It's not okay

Author's Note

Thoughts? Sorry it is so long. I had a lot to say... and I don't even know if "you" will listen. All of you.

Reviews

[Holly Mason]

The length shows your emotions behind it-it is not o.k.
these do not sound like friends to me-you are truly incredible for writing this out
you have written it out so well by the end I had tears
do not carry these feelings with you forever-they are not friends
do you have things in common with them do they have the inner power to write something like this-I bet not
search for better friends-barnes and noble teen poet night,art museum groups,science centers,library reading and writing groups-you will find real friends
thank you so sorry I got so into it but you have shared many emotions and I love it!!

[Harley Rose]

Thank you

[Dark Princess]

TONS of emotion just comes powering off the page. If they don't listen just punk then in the face that usually gets people's attention. :)

[AWickedMoon]

My boyfriends friends make him feel the same way. They think that just because he wont retaliate that they can pick on him. They think there so much better then him but the truth is he is way better then them because when his friends need him he is there for them no matter how badly they treat him. Your "friends" sound like they need a good kick in the a*s, you must be one hell of a friend to put up with that much s**t. I did the same thing to one of my friends once I choose my X over her biggest mistake of my life, but you know what once I came around and realized I had fucked up. She forgave me which shows who the stronger friend is. Just remember forgiveness is a wonderful thing to have but don't let those around you abuse it. If your friends suck and they cant get it thru their sculls go make new friends! :P I hope that made sense but probably not. Anyways I like your poem it was full of raw emotions.

[Hatchling]

Very powerful poem

[Darkening Shadow]

NO IT'S NOT OKAY. very powerful emotions though out the entire poem. Great Write!!!

[Satan's Daughter]

This almost made me shed a tear. The way you bare your soul and your pain is so artfully done that it blew me away. Your words bring forth a sense of desperation and hurt, making me want to strangle slowly all of those that made you feel this way, even though one of your tormentors is me. I'm so sorry for making you feel worthless, because you aren't. You are my best friend and you are the most beautiful, amazing girl I have ever met. I'm ashamed to have ever brought out these feelings in you. I know my apology isn't worth jack s**t, and it's coming way too late, but I'm going to say it anyways.
I'm sorry.

[kaiesha]

its good

[hundi]

honesty from your soul ,wonderfully honest and true, friends are a supportive group that wants your success and happiness in life, some friends are anchors, only to drag you down , you are the sun ,shining bright, surround yourself with stars that will fuel you, sounds like a classic ( treat you like s**t because I'm f***ed up in my head ) person or people ,anyway I liked the write

[Harley Rose]

Thank you