Afterlife

Trapped with the lost souls,

Forever roaming this haunted land. 

Trapped in the darkness,

Lost in this afterlife. 

Need to escape,

Get rid of the darkness.

I don't belong here.

Trapped in this afterlife.

Need to find peace,

Need to breathe,

Lose the darkness

Find the light,

And escape this afterlife.

Rid myself of the lost,

Calm myself among the souls,

Find my peace,

And lose this afterlife. 

Author's Note

Grammar issues or changes to be made anywhere let me know! Thanks :)

Reviews

[Princess LouLou]

I really liked this poem. There was a sense of hope that I found from the poem, even though the poem is written darkly almost and there is no lanuage of hope until the end. - I thought it was brilliant.
This Verse;
Trapped with the lost souls,
Forever roaming this haunted land.
Trapped in the darkness,
Lost in this afterlife.
I loved it, the trapped with lost souls, questions where this person is, and reminds us whether there is a heaven or a hell, or if we are just 'roaming' like you said. .. this gives a great feel that s/he feels like she is lost. It also shows that maybe its not talking about actually death and that she is lost in herself and needs to break free. I love this poem - I think that it upbrings different ways of explaining it and looking at this poem, I think it was a great write and thatyou sould keep writing. I loved the feel that I got from reading this poem. Well done and keep writing and Read Requesting poeple. (:

[Jupiter Jazz]

I love the imagery I get from this poem. Good job. Yosh!!

[李[A]]

This seems to have no grammar or spelling issues which is a good start. Now to analyze the poem:

I find it interesting how the last lines of each stanza are all intricately used with epistrophe (counter-current to anaphora). It gives that dark feeling with the lost-trapped-escape-still lost pattern that precedes the repeated segment. Thematically speaking, this isn't as aboveboard as your normal poems I've read, but still doesn't seem so surreptitious. Moving on, the use of "I" makes this poem a bit more personal to you the writer specifically and makes us the readers allow to connect with you in ways. Also, I enjoyed the visual darkness you stated explicitly as well as the thematic darkness used to create a dark image. The major thing I would recommend to you for this poem is to allow the flow from stanza to stanza as well as the internal flow connect smoother: possibly through transitions, semi-rhyme schemes, or just more fluid ideas. Nonetheless, I enjoyed this very much. I'll have a poem for you to read later, but anyways, kudos to you for a job well done and give yourself a pat on the back!

[AndyJCash]

A very cool topic you've written about. Really can't help being reminded of the song of the same title by Avenged Sevenfold :P

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Really nice dark write:
"Need to escape,
Get rid of the darkness.
I don't belong here.
Trapped in this afterlife."
... i like how u wrote this write, really good, i like it.

[Leave me alone....]

LOVE THIS! i LOVED the last stanza, keep up the good work!

[stars are far]

This is nice i loved the last stanza
great work :)