The darkness in love

Watching from the corner of the street where he was leaning against a lamp-post Luke watched his old girlfriend Shannon wave goodnight to her friends and invite one of the boys in her group inside her apartment.Luke and Shannon had been apart for one month now but he still loved her dearly and every time he saw her in college they stood and talked for ages about nothing that really seemed important to them,but they always wanted to talk so they did even if it made them both late for class.

Shannon and Luke where both 18 and living only 2 apartment blocks down from each other they spent most of there time together.But watching her now he was furious,his vision going blurry each time he thought about her and that 'guy'.Picking up the bat he had leaned against the lamp-post he stood beside he walked quickly across the street to Shannon's apartment.Pressing the buzzer with her name on it a giggling voice came out 'Hi who is this? hehe' Stopping from shouting at her he answered 'It's Luke,Shannon just thought I would come say hi so we could chat for a while' He heard no reply then a buzzing sound and the door opened.Stepping inside he headed straight up the stairs to Shannon's room and that's when it happened. 

When Shannon opened the door and she saw Luke standing there,furious and shaking with rage with a baseball bat in his hand she could only stare at him and ask him the same question over and over 'Luke...Luke what's wrong?' Pushing her softly aside Luke stepped in and saw the guy sitting on her sofa legs crossed watching Shannon with possessive eyes,that just made Luke worse.Dropping the bat and ignoring the screams from Shannon and the loud thump it made on her hardwood floor he ran at this guy and punched him right on the nose 'LUKE! LUKE STOP IT!'

Ignoring her pleas he kept punching and punching the guy only he didn't fight back,he just let him.'LUKE! GOD LUKE STOP HURTING HIM! LUKE I SAID STOP!'Still ignoring Shannon's sobs and desperate attempts to get him to stop he bent down,picked up the bat and swung it at the guy's head.With a loud crack and a shocked look on the guy's face he crumpled on the sofa,not breathing and not moving.'Oh god Luke what have you done!? Get the phone! Ring 911!' Sobbing Shannon sat on the sofa beside the body trying to find a pulse but getting nothing.Luke dropped the bat,looked at Shannon and the guy and stumbled backwards.'What....what did I do? What....why.....oh god'

When Luke looked at Shannon's tear stained face,he picked up the phone and dialled 911 'Hello 911 I would like to report a murder,yes a murder at First on hill street,apartment 15.Okay thank you' Hanging up Luke looked at Shannon 'I'm....I'm sorry I did this,I'm turning myself in...I'm so sorry...' Trailing of he let her cry and waited for the police patiently,when they finally came he handed himself in straight away 'Yes I killed him,and I rang,yes I am turning myself in....is that okay?' Laughing the female officer said 'Yes it is okay,you did wrong,very wrong but good lad for turning yourself in' As she handcuffed him and stated the rights and he answered he understood them they led him off to jail.

After that day he spent 15 years in prison and had Shannon visit every day,when he got out she had forgiven him and they ended up getting married and living happily together.Yet he still feared himself...and what he had done that day.It hunted him till his death.

Author's Note

Well I just thought it up,this hasn't happened to me or anyone I know.If you find any grammar problems please let me know and I would love your advice :)

Reviews

[AndyJCash]

I did like where it was going, but I didn't find the female officer a believable character. I mean, he just killed someone, regardless of whether they handed them self in I'd expect some sort of remorse or ill feeling towards a murderer. You did recover towards the end though :)

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

A greatly written short tragic yet love story, this is great, i loved how you drew out the picture of the scene so well. I think at this very last sentence you tried to write haunted instead of hunted? "It hunted him till his death." Really nice write, packed feeling with tragic yet a love that shows itself at the end "15 years in prison and had Shannon visit every day,when he got out she had forgiven him and they ended up getting married and living happily together"