Letters from a cat

A letter written by a cat to his uncle. All true, but obviously fiction!

30.03.2018

Letter from Elgar to Quintus

Dear Uncle Quintus I is having to tell Mummum what to say to you as she had killed the machine I used my paws to write to you on. It's most annoying as she doesn't understand what it is I is telling you, so I had to repeat myself. She just told me she is con stant ly repeating herself to me! Miaow! I is not happy with the wet, it is heavy wet & I get soaking & mummum had to dry me as I was cold as well. Even mother got

wet & she shook water all over the place making mummum wet as well. I thinks this is funny, but I don't want to get wet, I does want to go outside as the birdies are singing and teasing me. But mummum has shut the door. I told her how much I wanted to go out when she was using her litter tray (I tried to see what she had done but she got the lid down before I could), I got on the lid & said my words slowly carefully & loudly, but she petted me & says no!

This is unfair. Although she is right about the wet bit, but, I needs to see it for myself. Did I tell you about my climbing tree last time? I has, no - I HAD a lovely climbing tree that mother & I used, then one day it had a bit of a problem & some bits broke. Mummum tried to fix it, but it broke more when I climbed up it. I even jumped very high so I could sit on the platform, but there was an awful feeling as the tree with me still clinging on for dear life as it parted away from the wall, & slowly feel across the room. I is very agile or I would have lost a life or made a squashed cat as I jumped & turned in the air onto mummum's chair. Next morning mummum came down, she, SHE LAUGHED at the broken tree. She had to move it as it was blocking the way through the room, so she rebuilt another tree, &, * sigh* the same thing happened, and AGAIN. Each time it is rebuilt it fell over, so now I don't go on it. Mother does still sleep in the pods but I have stayed well away from it as I think it is out to get me.

Mummum is saying if she feels better soon she will get woods from the car house make special holes for the bits that holds it together, so I has a big tree that I can climb again. I is hoping she gets better tomorrow or tonight's. This telling her what to write is exhausting. She must fix the big com puter so I is able to writes without her looking. I sometimes does them when she had gone to bed (but only after I & Aunty Muffin who is much loudest of all for kibbles) has had my night time snack. What does your hooman call them? Here they are kibbles, & we all move very quickly when we heard the wrappers. Aunty Muffin doesn't like the new style kibbles, they have changed it lots. She is hopes that she is able to get the old style or we will have to go elsewhere for the meaty stalks. I have to admit they are not that nice , but a kibble treat is not to be sniffed at, or mummum's might not give us anything! I'm going to go & curl up in the middle of mummum's bed, it annoys her which makes me laugh. Miaows, purrs & no fleas Elgar x x P.s. I has been told off for not saying thank you to your hooman for the box of yummy kibbles she brought here on Monday, apparently they are from you, do I is thanking you much for them, everyone loves them. Elgar xxx *****************

Author's Note

Ignore spelling & grammar, , it's a cat who is writing!
Elgar really does call me mummum, which is always when he wants something!