In Love With The Wrong Guy Chapter 7 A Mother's Love

                Mom arrived at home about six at night, and it had already gone dark. I helped her bring in the grocery bags to the kitchen and unload them. Mom planned to cook Macaroni and Cheese, so it wasn’t really such a hard job helping her. We just had to boil the macaroni and sliced hotdogs, and you know the rest.

                Mom served dinner right after we finished cooking. We sat and had Macaroni and Cheese. There was silence in the atmosphere aside from the dinging of our forks with the plates as we ate. Mom clearly had so much in mind. She never even had the time to smirk or ask about school. She was most likely tired, having gone through two jobs per day, but she goes to only one during Sundays. I thought I didn’t want to be separated from mom in any way; even that small round table between us made me feel distant. I thought I should talk to her. Maybe she needed somebody to talk, too.

                “Mom.” I said, trying to see how she’d react while her eyes were glued to table. She finally looked at me and gave me a smile, trying to reassure me that nothing was wrong. Well, I believed the impression she gave me.

                “Yeah? What’s up?” she kinda’ panicked. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Have I not been paying attention to you lately ‘coz I’ve been really full lately?”

                “It’s okay, mom.” I smiled back. I wanted to reassure her that everything was fine, too. “I understand your plate’s been full.”

                “I’m sorry, darling. It was just really exhausting at work.” Mom wiped her mouth after she grabbed a bite. It was still really cruel to see mom waste her energy in so much work when she wouldn’t allow me to get a job. She insisted that I just stay home and focus on study while she always went home really exhausted.

                “If you’d just let me get a jo-”

                “I told you not to!” Mom stopped me like she knew I was going to say that. Well, she wasn’t really mad. She just loudened her voice so I wouldn’t talk. “We had this conversation before. We’re not talking about it again.”

                I thought I’d just shut up, and I did. Mom never looked back again, her eyes glued to her plate. I couldn’t eat. I had too much trouble in my mind. I really wanted to kick dad’s a*s that night.

                “Look, honey. We can make it through this.” Mom looked back to me. I was sure mom said that to reassure me again. “We saved enough, haven’t we? We’ve already earned enough money you’re your college expenses.”

                “Yeah. No thanks to dad.” I said, completely mocking my father. “He’s been a real help.”

                “Honey.” Mom called to me again, but she never said anything next. She probably couldn’t come up with something good about dad to counter what I said, but I didn’t want to say that; mom could have gotten angry because of that.

                “Fine, mom.” I just agreed. “I also understand that dad has a new family now. And if he prioritized us, his new family would get tighter.”

                “Yeah.” Mom agreed, too. I just thought of saying something positive.

                “But we can do this, right?” I said with a smile. “I mean, we’ve got this far with just the two of us. What’s another five years?”

                “That’s right.” Mom chuckled and somehow sniffed. I didn’t know if a tear shed in her eye, but if there was, I was sure I could have really kicked dad’s a*s.

                It took me moments to talk again, but I did. I thought I’d talk about something else. “So, mom.”

                She hummed loud and fast. “Yeah?”

                “I wanted to ask you something.” Haven’t guessed what I was gonna ask? -the one man that kept popping in my mind.

                “What?”

                I took a deep breath. I never really talked about love, so I didn’t know what reaction or expression to give. I just said it. “How do you know when you’re in love?”

                Mom stopped chewing for a second. She probably was shocked that I suddenly came up with that question. Mom found that funny and had a few giggles as she talked. “Why? Are you in love?”

                “No.” I laughed. “I just want to know what it’s like.”

                “Oh!” Mom exclaimed excitedly. “In that case, I have so much to tell you.”

                “Why? Did you fall in love so many times?”

                “No, honey.” She shook her head, smiling. “Your dad was my first love. And he’s probably the last.”

                “Oh.” In a way, I was disgusted with my dad. To think that my mother actually fell in love with that ‘A’-hole, but I just respected mom’s feelings. I didn’t know about all this because I never asked. It took so many years for mom to recover from the divorce, and I didn’t know when the right time to ask was. “You fell in love with him a lot of times?”

                “Practically, yes.” She said. “Apparently, I fell in love with him many times because we broke up a lot of times since we were in high school. Yes, I’ve known your father for a really long time.”

                “If you two were so in love for so long, why didn’t it work out?”

                “It doesn’t always work like that, dear.” She said. “I was the only one in love. Your father always had other girls in his interest. I don’t even think he really loved me.

                I was silent. I didn’t know what to say, but I definitely wanted to curse my father that night. My hands were clenching. How could he do that to my mom who did nothing but show her family love like no other?!!! I wanted to shout, but I didn’t. I guess my mom loved him too much that she’d defend him even when he’s no right.

                “Your father had affairs even when we were married.” Mom continued. “I had always noticed it, but I never said a thing. I didn’t want him to get mad. So, it became really bad. Your father got to the point that he’d flirt with women right in front of my face.”

                “You should have done something.”

                “Yes, I did.” Her voice sounded a bit lonelier, tone of a cry. “But it was too late. The same night I approached him was the night he asked me to get a divorce because he said I was an insufficient wife.”

                “How dare that b***h say that!” I reacted. Literally, my head was boiling.

                “Well, maybe I was.” She chuckled even when her eyes were getting watery. “You know, I hadn’t filled his sexual appetite back then because I was disgusted. I didn’t know how many women he banged, and I just didn’t want to be one of them even if I’m his wife.”

                “It’s not your fault, mom.” I said. “He’s a real crap husband.”

                “Yeah. I know.” She wiped her tears. “Love is not always meant to be given by the person you give it to.”

                “I’m so not getting married.” I kidded. Somehow, it would sound true having heard that from me.

                “Why? Are you failing to impress your crush in school?”

                “What?” I panicked and blushed right away. It seemed a little obvious that I had a crush. “I don’t have a crush! You should know that’s impossible!”

                “It’s not dear.” She smiled. “I was like you once. I never liked guys. I thought I was a lesbian. But the time came when I met a guy, and I just knew that I love him. It could happen in a second.”

                “I thought love at first sight wasn’t real.”

                “Well, yeah.” She laughed. “There is just like at first sight, but maybe you can tell whether you’ll grow to love him or not.”

                “That sounds so complicated.” I kidded and laughed with mom.

                “Love always is.” She continued laughing.

                “But it sucks.” I said. Then, a sight of Winnie and Alexander together came to my head. “What if the person you love can never love you back?”

                “That is why you can love more than once.”

                “You mean like dad?”

                “No.” she said. “You can love again, but not love two at once. That’s just messed up.”

                “Oh.” I reacted. I wondered if such a thing is possible with me and Alexander.

                “If you’re going to fall in love, I suggest you do it with your mind.” She said. I hear a lot of people say that before. Do people really lose their cool when they fall in love?

                Mom’s words lingered in my head for the rest of the night. I thought of how it would have been different if it was me and alexander from it was mom and dad. I actually believed it was impossible for us to be together after all the women she met, not to mention Winnie was flirting with him. I have been taught to never give up in karate classes, but I didn’t know about love. I wasn’t even sure how it was to be in love. I didn’t know if it was the weird feeling I get towards Alexander. I just met him a day before, and he had been such a trend to me.

                I wondered about Nick. How could he react to it if ever I was in love with Alexander? Would it be considered cheating or whatever? I didn’t know. Some parts of me were telling me to back away because I didn’t want to hurt Nick, but I couldn’t help it. Most of me was telling not to back off. I wanted to outmatch Winnie. I wanted to beat her even if we were close friends. I thought if it was a matter of the heart, everyone should see it worth fighting for. I was kept from sleeping that night, thinking if ever I was to end up like mom one day. But I figured that wasn’t the point to why she’s my mom. She’s my mom so I’d be something different, and I was not about to let her down.