Bruce the Moose

If only I had a moose...

 

            I always wanted a moose. Always.

                        Apparently moose are dangerous creatures, or so I’ve been told over and over again. But I don’t believe it. It simply cannot be true. They are so large and awkward; I’d venture to guess they are simply misunderstood.

                        The thought of a moose brings my heart great joy and I think about Christmastime and how I would decorate my moose’s antlers. I would hang tinsel and ornaments, my moose would suggest some lights. Then I’d explain to him that if he wanted lights he would have to stand in front of an electrical outlet for the entirety of Christmas. My moose would think it over and finally decide to forego the lights.  

                        My moose’s name would be Bruce. However, when I get a little tipsy I bet I’d call him Brucy or The Brucester or even the occasional Brucey Poo. Bruce will hate it and ask me to stop, but I’ll be drunk and won’t remember it the next morning. And like a good moose, Bruce will bring me two aspirins and a glass of water in the morning, forgiving the previous nights offenses.

                        At Halloween Bruce would dress up as a mounted moose. We will put a wooden circle around his neck and a black sheet covering this entire body (excluding his head of course). Everyone will get a kick out of it, except for his grandmother who will fiercely disapprove. You see her husband is hanging in a lodge somewhere in Wisconsin.

                        We still think it’s hilarious.

                        Bruce will collect penguin figurines and I will always make fun of him for it. Bruce will love penguins, the way they waddle. I will buy him a crystal penguin one Christmas, one he had his eye on for a long time. He will be so excited and he will tear up with joy. I will pretend I don’t notice.

                        Since gas prices are so high and Bruce will be very concerned about my financial state he will let me rid on his back around town. Naturally when we go on vacation we will rent a car, but for day to day errands he carries me around. If we go grocery shopping we will have to bring a small wagon and Bruce will pull it along. Cars will pass us by and honk and some will even take pictures. “I’m a celebrity, eh” he will often say. Naturally Bruce is Canadian.

                        I refuse to believe that moose are dangerous. If moose were dangerous then Bruce wouldn’t sleep with a little stuffed pink bunny. I will buy it for him to help him get through the first night in his new home. He will love the bunny and dangerous things simply do not enjoy the company of pink bunnies.

                        I can’t wait until the day I get me a moose. I can’t wait to find my Bruce.

Author's Note

Written for a contest... on... you guessed it... randomness.

Reviews

[mrowepat]

I enjoyed this. On the surface it is very silly and funny, yet there is a sadness, a longing that can be found intertwined within the thoughts expressed. Oh, I like otters. River otters in particular. They are way cuter than sea otters. I like frogs too, and cats, but river otters are my favorite.

[Haleemaaisha]

This is so funny. Youre really talented you can take a small subject and make it into something incredible