Entry Four: Sunday, January 10th, 2016

I feel so unhappy. I don’t want to be.

A few hours ago we celebrated my mother’s birthday at this restaurant called Steak Street. The bill was a whopping $242.00--or something close to that, not including the $30.00 tip attached!! I took care of the bill because I wanted to. Expensive, yes, but it did feel nice to be able to cover the bill. Especially, since there was a dreadful time when being unemployed and unable to pay for things and being flat-out-broke, made me feel miserable and utterly unimportant…

I don’t know why I’m even saying all of this, but…

I like this guy at work and I don’t know if he likes me back. There. I said it. His name is D. K. and these past couple of weeks have been nothing but me wanting to get to know him better and possibly form a relationship--but nothing has even remotely come to forming between the two of us. It makes me feel so stupid. I hate that this is happening to myself, because I’m deeply afraid that if I let myself keeping longing for something that most likely won’t come. I’ll thrust myself into a deep depression, such as the one I was in just a few years ago. I told myself I would never go back to such a melancholy place, but this one might be out of my hands.

I want to tell him how I feel, but it’s too risky. Coming clean about my feelings for him holds heavy consequences I don’t know if I’m ready to handle just yet.

Until next time,

Bottled Song