Entry One: Saturday, September 19th, 2015

Entries pulled from the pages of my personal diary I recently found tucked away in my underwear draw. They are simple, raw, real and grammatically rough-around-the-edges.

It feels strange writing in a diary again.

What’s also strange is the fact that it doesn’t feel strange--corny, I know.

First things first, the date of this entry in incorrect. It’s actually Sunday, September 20^th, 2015. I technically wrote that date on the top of the page on the nineteenth, which was yesterday. However, just when I was about to write, I got a text from my mother saying that her, my brother and sister were 15 mins away, and that I should start getting my brother’s ‘surprise’ birthday cake ready for him because we’re celebrating his 18^th birthday when they got home. So, now, it’s after midnight that I’m writing this. Almost one ‘o clock in the morning.

I actually just bought this diary or journal-whatever you want to call it, yesterday, at the end of my shift at CVS. A few days ago, I saw it while I was doing a shift in the front store and I immediately felt the urge to get one and start writing my thoughts down on paper. I’ve never been one to keep a diary. I’ve had a few, but they never really went beyond a few pages in length (why do I always have trouble spelling that word ‘length?’) But, now, I don’t know how long this is going to go on. I mean, this book cost me just over 8 bucks with my CVS employee discount, so, I guess I better fill these pages with something.

Lately, I have begun to feel somewhat lost and you could even say a bit discouraged. It’s in no way like how I was feeling during my severe depression episodes, a little over a year ago. I am happy to say I have moved forward and, honestly, feel somewhat healed. I’m not perfect--no one is--so I don’t plan to be. But I am so much better.

The thing is I’m not where I want to be.

I don’t want to be a pharmacy technician anymore. I want to move forward with my dream of becoming a successful author and actor and as stupid as things sounds, singer, songwriter, recording artist, dancer and all around entertainer. Right now, I wanted to focus on the first step: getting published. But I can’t seem to get myself to finish my current work-in-progress. That’s one of the many reasons why I’m writing this. I’m trying to get my thoughts--deep emotional and personal thoughts out of my head and onto paper. I feel like they are keeping me from getting to the places I want to be. I hope this works because I’m tired of not going to the places that call to me every waking moment of my life.

This. Has. To. Work.

 

Until next time,

Bottled Song.

 

Author's Note

All of these entries have plenty of grammar issues and can sound of little rough. When I originally wrote them, there was a huge focus on putting raw emotion onto the page. And I wanted to maintain as much as that as possible.