The loss of a friend

Set during the Zagreus/Neverland big finish audios Romana is being forced to make a difficult decision regarding the Doctor

The thought of the High Council getting their own way on something made Romana's skin crawl at the best of times, but this? No, this was so abhorrent to her nature that it made her feel sick, tying her intestines in hard knots.

 

How could she even consider exiling a friend? A Colleague? A… she'd be lying to herself if she thought of him as just the first two and it made the knots inside her tighten.

 

She gave a lengthy, soulful sigh in the direction of her folded hands in front of her.

 

"Madam President" said Narvin, cutting through her reverie.

 

"I must object, you cannot simply allow the Doctor to remain on Gallifrey. The virus will infect us all - you must exile him at once!" he continued in an urgent tone that Romana found unbelievably irritating.

 

"I will not just sanction something like that!" Romana hissed angrily, without tearing her gaze from her hands.

 

Her inner turmoil was taking over her thoughts and twisting about inside her being. How could she be the one that had to decide the fate of someone she cared so much for? How could she be the one that had to rob not only Gallifrey, but the wider universe of him?

 

Her wonderful, unique and unstoppable Doctor.

 

"Romana, you have no choice" Co-coordinator Narvin continued with a slightly more smug edge to his voice. He could sense her indecision and saw it as a sign of weakness.

"In this office you will address me as Madam President, is that understood Co-ordinator?" she replied, not looking up still, but the authoritative tone to her voice left Narvin in no doubt about who was in charge.

 

Narvin, now red faced, gave way to the anger bubbling inside his stomach.

 

"Yes, Madam President," he said, gritting his teeth with barely subdued fury.

 

"That is understood" he almost snarled back at her.

 

"Now, you may leave us" Romana ordered "There is much for the Cardinal and I to discuss".

She raised a dismissive hand in the direction of Narvin and wordlessly turned to face the great windows in her office. The orange glow of daylight filled her office with a warm, comforting glow.

 

This time it didn't have its usual, comforting effect on her.

 

It was the warm light that she knew the Doctor would never see again past this day.

 

She closed her eyes to it, trying hard not to imagine the despair she was considering inflicting.

 

Narvin observed her for a moment and before turning to storm out, he shot a meaningful glance at Braxiatel.

 

The office door gave a great, thunderous crack as Narvin slammed it behind him.

 

Romana did not appear to even notice, now opening her eyes once more to observe the beautiful light of her home world.

 

"Braxiatel? Your views" she said without turning to look at him.

 

He crossed the small distance between them and placed his large hand on her small shoulder, in a comforting gesture.

 

"These are murky waters my lady and I do not envy your position in this matter. I know how you feel for the Doctor and how the high council is trying to force this decision."

 

He paused, removing his hand and moving to stand by her side, facing out towards the window to enjoy the view also.

 

"However, anti time cannot co-exist in our universe. It's possible he can stay within the confides of his own TARDIS or perhaps in some parts of the capital, but either way, the destruction of time, past, present and future, will all become undone" he stated in a measured voice.

 

Romana sighed once again, looking askance at the way the light touched the distant peak of Mount Solace.

 

Why in all of the Time Lords on Gallifrey did it have to be him? Why, why, why?

 

The moment was interrupted by the entrance of the Doctor suddenly entering the room.

 

She quickly turned to Braxiatel "Please leave us."

 

Braxiatel nodded, glancing sideways at her.

 

He turned to leave, pausing to look at the Doctor.

 

Both Time Lords stood for a moment searching each others faces.

 

"I'm so sorry, Thete" said Braxiatel, his voice showing genuine, unchecked emotion.

 

The Doctor nodded at him before walking past him, to where Romana stood.

 

Braxiatel quietly made his exit.

 

"So" she said, turning her head to look at him "You have decided" she finished gently.

 

"Yes, I will leave quietly no need to involve the Celestial Intervention Agency" he said, his voice was serious and unemotional.

 

Romana bit at her bottom lip, eyeing him for a moment.

 

"If you should ever try to return" she said, furrowing her brow, looking directly into his sharp blue eyes.

 

"I won't" the Doctor replied evenly.

 

"If you should even try" she reinforced, but her cool exterior was fading fast.

 

"I will not!" He suddenly spat bitterly.

 

"Why would I want to return here? Never meet your hero's', they say, you'll only be disappointed. How right has that been in my case? Omega - a mad man sold out by his peers. Morbius? Time lord of the first rank betrays his inheritance" he rattled on at apace, counting with his fingers as he named his disappointments in Time Lord form.

 

"Borusa even! My old friend, teacher and mentor - all he wants is immortality! Then there is Rassilion, oh Rassilion the father of our whole society. Bigot and xenophobe with a desperate love for his own self image, so much that he sentences the future to death!" he paused, glancing at the floor for the moment, as though he was trying to exercise some sort of restraint.

 

"Who's next? You, hmm? Madam President? Is that what a whiff of power does on this pathetic planet? Enjoy your corruptness Romana, I don't want see or hear anything of Gallifrey ever again!" his voice was hard and utterly bare with anger.

 

"You're too harsh Doctor" Romana ventured, her voice breaking.

 

It was the only time the Doctor had ever spoken to her like that and his words hurt.

 

After everything they had been through together, it was almost like he despised her and her presidency. She knew he didn't mean it, he was just directing his frustration at her and she couldn't blame him.

 

She had no choice, though and she knew it.

 

In this extreme case, the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few. Countless lives were at stake and she knew she could not jeopardise them for the sake of just one.

 

"Am I?" he replied to her sharply.

 

"Once, a long time ago, the Time Lords decided to exile me. Now I exile myself" he said, pursing his lips and looking at the floor once more.

 

"This is it then. If you are going, that's it" she said in a clear voice.

 

"No favourite places like Earth. No saving the day or visiting friends, no coming to Gallifrey to see me. Nothing you ever known before and you will never, ever, be able to come out, you even try to get back to our universe… even if it's at all possible, time will be destroyed."

 

"You found a way back into your pocket universe" The Doctor pointed out, but Romana suspected he already knew the answer to that statement before she even uttered it.

 

"That was different. I wasn't carrying the means to erase past, present and future .You know if you try we will stop you" she said, facing him completely. She had no excuse for not taking this head on. The buck stopped with her and she knew it.

 

He nodded, looking away from her and out of the window, as if taking in the beautiful landscape for the last time.

 

"No time travel either. You used to say a Time Lords very purpose was to travel in time. It will be like losing one of your senses, Doctor" she carried on.

 

"No sense, no feeling. Isn't that how it goes?" he said rhetorically, a bitter smile on his face.

 

"I will miss you so much Doctor" Romana said softly at the Time Lord before her, but she wasn't sure he was listening anymore. His wistful look, now bathed in the soft light of a Gallifreyan afternoon, told her hearts that this was the wrong decision. Yet, her head had won and she had to go with it.

 

"You will get by" he said, his voice laced with sarcasm.

 

She knew instinctively that she wouldn't. His words were like daggers to her hearts.

 

"I wish-" she began to say.

 

"So do I" he snapped, cutting her off.

 

Without a further word from either of them. The Doctor turned and left the office in a brisk, determined pace, en route to his TARDIS.

 

"I don't know how we will cope without you. How I will cope without you" whispered Romana in the direction of the door he had just exited though.

 

She noiselessly wiped a tear from her eye.

 

A moment passed before the door opened once more.

 

She hoped it was the Doctor, just to see him again and delay the inevitable would have been perfect, but she knew it would not be him.

 

Braxiatel slipped into the room and crossed the red marble floor quickly, his robes flapping behind him.

 

"Romana" Braxiatel began in a soft voice. He placed his hand upon her shoulder once more, but this time facing her.

 

"It was for the best" he soothed.

 

She wiped her eyes.

 

"He's gone and I don't know how we will ever manage without him."

 

Romana tried to compose herself.

 

She had always been the strong one, but she couldn't quite seem to gather herself together. Without warning, she pressed herself into Braxiatel's shoulder crying.

 

It was the first time Braxiatel had ever seen her that upset.

 

He placed a comforting arm around her to try to stem the flow of tears and offer some solace.

 

Suddenly she pulled away from him and rushed out of the room, determined to tell the Doctor how she feels about him before he was gone forever.

 

She broke into a run, leaving her even her guards struggling to keep pace with her.

 

She arrived breathlessly outside the familiar blue doors of the TARDIS �" but it was too late. To her wide eyed horror, she witnessed it disappear into the ether.

 

The Doctor had gone.

 

Author's Note

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