A moment in a rhyme

Where is the boy, who plays guitar
and the girl who loves to dance?

On a sandy beach
beneath the stars
with the moonlight’s passing glance.

That kissed the waters
off the shores;
It shimmers, in its glow

As he strums his guitar,
to a ballad that lovers know

salty and sweet
the taste of his skin
With a touch of ocean breeze

Abandoned passions
Tempts the night
with the taste of Lovers, heat

waves crashing on the shore
breaks in a gentle roar
on a sandy beach,
Where lovers lay
as she dances to his guitar

with her head above
his chest
she captures her lover’s gaze
as her hair, danced in the wind
he continues to strum and play
sparking flames with each caress.
the touch, of her silky lips
ignites a fiery blaze with in
that stokes the sweetest aches

the drumming of their hearts,
warmed the night,
as she swayed to her lover’s beat
with tender hands that held her hips
as the waves kissed at their feet

The golden sands
Sparkled
beneath
the shimmering stars

As they made love on the beach
under the covers of the dark

And the cool night,
ocean breeze,
carried their songs,
for miles, afar

Across the tranquil seas
to the rhythm of his guitar

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

first half is strong ...with easy cadence and rhyme .. second half seems just a tad repetitive ... i love the wrap up ..with their song drifting across the oceans and stars ... i agree with jacob .. there is a refreshing innocence in this one ... hearkens to a simpler time ... unlike jacob it doesn't make me feel 17 ;) my memories are too long ago ... :)
E.

[RomaJ]

Thank you for your much appreciated input. I will revise the second half eventually...haha
This moment feels so long ago...oh but, it was magical. I was trying to capture that night...it came out as a rhyme..lol The reality was more beautiful than the poem itself...thank goodness, there was no social media or smart phones yet. yikes!

[Einstein Noodle]

i think the magic of the moment is clear ... first loves (especially in the 50's and 60's) are pretty special ... remembering the music, the place and the person brings those warm and genuine feelings along with them ... for me it is about 50 yrs ago .... other "loves " along the way were not the same ..until i met my lovely wife ;)

[RomaJ]

That sounds lovely.

[John]

This has a lovely lyrical flow, though I agree with Einstein Noodle. It has a beautiful cadence and probably benefits from not having a strict rhyming scheme, but it would work just as well at half the length. Well done anyway.

[RomaJ]

I appreciate your words John. Thank you.

[Im His Daughter]

I think it is perfect.. I don't revise anything. Its coming from your heart. Sent a friend request.

[RomaJ]

Aw Thank you. And thanks for the advice. I'll remember that.

[Rocksie]

I like this. You can nearly hear the rhythm of the guitar through the rhythm of the poem itself. Very good imagery too!

[RomaJ]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it

[Tomás Ó C..]

Beatutiful scene described here...

[RomaJ]

Thank you.

[Emily]

I love the first lines!
Keep on writing!

[RomaJ]

Thank you Emily.

[Philip Muls]

As she dances to his guitar....Love the ritm ...and indeed the sweet innocence of young love.

Well done.

[RomaJ]

Thank you for your thoughts. It was a memory worth keeping.

[Philip Muls]

It is great how you indeed can capture a worthwhile memory in words. It seems then it is safe.

[wordman]

sounds like two young lovers meeting on a beach,he playing his guitar while she dances in the sand
as night falls there passion rises as they make memories on that beach,under the stars smiling down on them,and years later she wonders what happened to that guitar and the young man playing it,now just a memory

[RomaJ]

beautifully said, Word. Thank you for your thoughts

[wordman]

well i wonder what happened to those two,i guess life just got in the way
now we just think back on those special times

[RomaJ]

Sigh, he doesn't play his guitar anymore...:( I miss that. But the music is still beautiful as ever.

[Valentine]

Nice rhyming lilt to this write. Valentine

[RomaJ]

Thank you, Valentine.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this reminds me of when i was younger...the old days of simple romance...a good song, stealing some kisses in the moonlight on a beach...smelling the waters, the breeze...

damn...i was 17 again...thanks.

[RomaJ]

sigh...to be young and in love. ah, the memories to be treasured. And thank-you for your thoughts, j