Lost and Found...and Lost Again!!!

Often, we lose something, and desperately try looking for it! Sometimes, it is better to let the lost go......maybe it is for the best that what was lost was lost!

Lost and Found

  

She had loved and lost. It was all coming back now. Nothing could be more pathetic than this……

  

She sat down, to catch her breath. She had been walking for a long time now…even running at times. From what she knew not?! Her body shook with great spasms every time she inhaled deeply. Slowly, very slowly, her breathing became more rhythmic and normal. She tried to look around her, but nothing seemed to register. Everything seemed so blank, so blurred. It was almost as if she were looking at something through tears.

 

 Numbed Emotions

 

Tears? She had no tears, did she? She searchingly felt her face…..slowly running both her palms across the eyes, and then the cheeks…..No. There was not one drop of tear. How could there be? Because, she felt nothing. And, how could a person cry if s/he could feel nothing?

 

There was a heavy numbness that enveloped her. And this was all that she could feel. There was something deep and profound that weighed on her mind and heart, and made her feel as if she were in a constant stupor. But why? What was it that caused her to remain in this state of suspended animation? What had happened that had reduced her from a living and laughing human being into a vegetative and stone-like entity?

 

 A Vision of Pain

 

Ah! It was coming back now! And how?!

 

Far in the distance, from where she sat, she could see a young couple. Walking hand in hand. That was when it happened. She regained here emotions. A sharp pain stabbed at her heart. She tried to look away. Alas! In vain. For her eyes kept returning to the spectacle.

 

He was wearing a white shirt, which was unbuttoned at the top, with the cuffs rolled up. Carelessly. Oh! So like……like? Like whom? Who was she thinking of? Why couldn’t she remember? She wracked her brain, and forced herself to remember……but nothing happened.

 

She stared with all her might. It was indecent……she knew that……but there was nothing she could do. It seemed out of her hands. However much she tried to control herself, she felt her eyes drawn to the couple, involuntarily. And, as she saw them, she felt her heart shatter. Something was hammering against her heart, and causing her a lot of pain.

 

 The Dam Burst!!

 

Her heart ached, her head was ready to burst, and the tears started streaming down her face. Ah! Tears at last! The brackish and salty water seemed sweet at this point of time. They seemed to help her……they seemed to ease her pain….the pain that the vision kept increasing.

 

 The Perfect Couple

 

He held her hand lovingly, and caressed it. They were leaning against a fence, and were whispering sweet nothings to each other. She straightened his collar and flicked a fly from his shoulder. He tucked a carefree lock of hair behind her ear. What a perfect couple they seemed!

 

“Here’s to the perfect couple!” someone said. There was a reverberating clink as champagne glasses were stuck and everybody raised a toast.

 

 Memories – Craved for, yet Unwanted!!

 

And, then she could remember. Everything seemed to rush in at once, and capture her heart and mind. Now, she wanted it to stop….but it wouldn’t!

 

Oh! how ironic!! She had been longing for this flood of memories for so long…..she had been praying and pleading with her inner self, and God, to revive the lost recollections……and, at that time nothing happened.

 

And, now, when it was all coming back to her, she wished it would stop! She craved for it to remain hidden…and not resurface again. Or, at least slow down….Slow down, so that she could live each moment of it all over again.

 

The Wedding Dream

 

She was dressed in a virginal white gown, a veil hiding her blushes and smiles. She was beaming with joy and love. This was the biggest and the best day of her life. She was blissfully happy. Her radiance penetrated the thin veil, and everyone around her was sharing in her pleasure.

 

He stood next to her, holding her hand. He squeezed it lovingly, once in a while, making shivers run down her spine. He had done this often…but that day it felt so new! He tried to catch her off guard, to give her a little peck on her nose, a tiny nibble on her ear! And in full view of everyone around?! Oh! Would he ever grow up?!

 

It was then that someone said, “Here’s to the perfect couple!” She threw the bouquet of posies behind her, not even turning to see who got to catch it. There was a shower of confetti and glitter as they ran down the steps to the waiting car.

 

Their belongings had already been packed and piled up. They were going on a long tour. They had no itinerary chalked out, they had not decided where to go. They had not even set a date for their return.

 

But, who could know that they would never return again. Return, that is, as they were leaving, a happy couple….the perfect couple who had just had a dream wedding! Who could ever guess that he wouldn’t return…..and she would come back, thankfully in one physical piece…but shattered and broken irreparably, at least as far as her memories were concerned.

 

 Lost and Found…..and Lost Again!

 

She had loved and lost. Lost everything that had ever mattered to her….more than the memory that now seemed to be returning. She had lost her love, something that wouldn’t come back ever.

 

They drove around a sharp bend in the hillside, where she couldn’t recollect? At that point, their car teetered over the edge. He lost control. She screamed. He opened the door on her side, and pushed her out, in an instinctive reaction…..before shouting out….“I Love You” and fell…..to his death!

 

It was all coming back now. She gained it all back….her lost memory…..but it only furthered her losses. Nothing could be more pathetic than this….nothing….Not even death!

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Rohini, this is just a thoughtful and mature piece of writing....As a reader I felt the emotions which you tried to convey with this piece....Also, I would love to mention about the imagery at few places which was simply outstanding.
This is indeed such a heartfelt piece of writing and as a reader really touched me!
Great work :)

[SR Urie]

Hello,

The pain of lost love and a hopeless future where nothing could ever restore a shattered heart is the harshest of agonies, no question. The resulting confusion is gracefully described through the resulting numbness of mind, enmeshed in the void of solitude. You've touched on a dilemma shared by many who feel so alone yet are too reluctant to risk the bloom of love for fear of having the heart squashed anew. Bless you dear and allow yourself to grieve but be careful to search for absolute perfection in the person you've lost; you'll be looking for a long time if you do.