Puddles

Experimental/Prose/Story

He never gave much thought to the ponding water in the past
As a young boy he splashed around in them playfully
Later as a Marine, humping through them as part of life
But this was before her
Before the tears rolling down her cheeks he tries to wipe away
Before the melted ice cubes on the floor she can never quite catch from the dispenser
Before the bright red nose of a cold and the drip, drip that prompts him to hand her another box of tissues
Before the irreverent rings her glasses leave on the coffee table
Before the sheets have to be pulled from the bed after he makes love to her
Smiling, he wipes the floor tile because she can not confine herself to the rug for drying off after a shower
"Puddles" he calls her
Seeing only the beauty in her streams, pools and droplets
As if they're a trail of breadcrumbs she leaves him
That will lead him straight to her heart

Author's Note

I had pretty much given up the writing of these experimental/prose pieces. However, this was something I felt a strong need to write for a beautiful heartbeat I am allowed to hear.

Reviews

[SteveB]

Damn fine write Rogue. The repetition of "before" is highly effective and each of the highly specific examples, all of which point to different aspects of the relationship, drive home the point. The first few lines, which show a "man's man" sets up the balance of the gentle soul who calls his lover "puddles". Then the final simile to tie it all together.
Bloody well done.

[Rogue]

Thank you, Steve for this wonderful review. I am happy to know that you really liked this one. That means a lot to me. :)

[MOON]

Its the little things that makes the memories and that is whats huge.lovely write.

[Rogue]

Thank you, moon for stopping by to read and your thoughts here. :)

[Will Neill]

Small things are what makes us fall in love, A nice look at us all really Rogue, always break the mould-keep experimenting.
Will

[Rogue]

Always appreciate you reading, Will. Thank you for your thoughts here as well. :)

[Cool Handless Luke]

That's awesome. Brings to life real human beings and the little things couples remember the fondest. And the last four lines tie it all together as a very touching poem. Nice work Rogue!

[Rogue]

Thank you, Jeff. It's a change up from usual dark or painful norm. So I was not sure how it would be received. Your words here have been very encouraging. :)

[Angi]

I like the before and after images here. He pays attention now, doesn't he? I like this experiment, Rogue! Angi~

[Rogue]

-grin- Who knew I was such a mess?
Thank you, Angi. :)

[rhythm&blues]

This hit a personal chord with me, my cousin was married to a Marine, sadly he proudly gave his life for his country. Very lovely work.

[Rogue]

Sorry to read that R&B. :(
Thank you.

[Shanil Mehdi]

Great opening sentence that hooks the reader. The repetition of the word "before" helped create a more dramatic atmosphere that strengthened the piece. Your similes were original, quite clever, and full of meaning. Great overall. Good work!

[Rogue]

Thank you for reading and your kind review here. :)

[Shanil Mehdi]

You're most welcome, keep it up. :)

[ayosonolowo]

Nice piece
it really nice



prose indeed
thanks for sharing

[Rogue]

Thank you. I appreciate you reading. :)